Minding Kikie

getting my life back

2009-12-11T16:59:00.003+07:00

not that my life has been every where..
it's just been off.
somewhere.

heading to an unfavorable place.

but now, i stand beyond myself, and say, i will not let anything take it from me.
i will get my life back.

amen to that.

Mengenang Bapakku (21 Juli 1950 - 20 September 2004)

2008-09-21T13:27:00.001+07:00

Kemarin genap sudah 4 tahun Bapak meninggalkan kita semua. Saya sendiri lupa dengan 'tanggal 20 September itu' [entah memang lupa atau memang sengaja tidak mau mengingat], sampai seorang teman mengirimkan sebuah sms yang isinya sih sekedar mengenang beliau.

A simply great man in my life.

Lalu, pagi ini saya buka email dan ada email Catatan Ramadhan dari Kak Hanni [thanks kak!] yang bercerita mengenai jihad-nya Kepala Keluarga. Jadi ingat dengan kisah serupa yang dialami Bapak.

Suatu waktu Bapak pernah mengumpulkan kita semua dan meminta ijin untuk resign dari pekerjaannya. Karena he had reached his limit... Bosnya sudah keterlaluan dalam menghina Islam dan menghina Bapak juga tentunya. Akhirnya karena perseteruan akibat hinaan terhadap agama yang dipercayainya, Bapak ingin mengundurkan diri. Saat itu, kita semua bilang, we lived it up to you, and will support any decisions you made. But then, he never resigned. He said, it's my responsibility to give you a good life, and I'll survive this, at least until I got another job.

He did. A Better one indeed.

But Bapak always showed his responsibility towards his family.He never never never left us. In anything.

Bapak, I hope Allah will take care of you like you do to us.

---

Berangkatlah kamu dalam keadaan ringan atau berat,
dan berjihadlah dengan harta dan dirimu di jalan Allah.
Yang demikian itu adalah lebih baik bagimu jika kamu mengetahui."

[QS At Taubah : 41]

******************************************************************
JIHAD
oleh Agus Syafii
https://hermes.vnuinc.org/exchweb/bin/redir.asp?URL=http://agussyafii.blogspot.com

Jihad bagi seorang kepala rumah tangga adalah perjuangan menjadikan rumah tangganya indah dan bahagia. Pergi meninggalkan tanggungjawab rumah tangga dengan alasan apapun merupakan wujud kekalahan.

Itulah sebabnya aku sangat mengagumi bang kadir, penjual mie pangsit sebelah rumah saya yang selalu sudah bersiap meninggalkan rumah di dinihari untuk pergi ke pasar. Setelah dari pasar terus menyiapkan jualannya lalu berangkat berjualan hingga menjelang malam. Semua itu dilakukannya tiap hari. Walau hari hujan atau saat ia sedang kurang sehat. Walau hari libur, di kala orang lain bisa tidur lebih lama atau bersantai di rumah. Bang Kadir tetap dengan rutinitasnya yang ia mulai sejak hari masih gelap hingga hari sudah kembali gelap.

"Saya selalu semangati diri saya dengan berpikir bahwa saya ini punya 'perjanjian' dengan Allah, yaitu tanggung jawab saya hanyalah berusaha semampu saya, lalu Allah itu yang akan menjamin kehidupan istri dan anak-anak saya . Jadi saya takut, kalau saya malas berusaha, berarti saya ingkar dari janji saya, lalu bagaimana kalau jaminan atas istri dan anak-anak saya dihentikan sama Allah dan mereka jadi terlantar?" begitu ujarnya saat saya tanyakan apakah ia tidak ingin satu hari saja 'istirahat' dari rutinitas yang melelahkan itu.

Bagi saya, apa yang dilakukan Bang Kadir adalah berjihad di jalan Allah.

Stres

2008-09-02T13:14:00.002+07:00

Aduh.. kok Syaamil ku minumnya dikit sih?

Stres!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meddler

2008-08-29T10:26:00.003+07:00

Me and my husband are so alike. We are meddlers.

Well, I know I am.
As for my husband, though he won't admit is, he is.

Examples of my meddling are too many to mention, and some of you probably have heard some of them.

Like the one when two of my friends got married because of me. :) Or at times, when they fought, and I jumped in, and he was mad at me for jumping in, and he was mad at his wife because of me, since it meant that she told me. Then after that, he made his wife promise not to tell me anything anymore. Of course, she just said yes to make him feel better.

And so many more to tell.

My hubby on the other hand, always, always, always, says that he doesn't like to meddle. Well, he doesn't. Not all the time. But when he does, he does it ALL OUT.

A preview for that matter then.

His friend in school is seeing this guy, whom he thinks is not good for her. And what he did? He asked his friend not see him again, and even pointed out to his friend that her boyfriend is just not good for her. Does his friend care? Like all in love, of course NOT.

Why do I ramble about this?

Now, one of his closest friend from high school is having trouble with his girlfriend. And like the true meddlers that we are, we are stepping in as if we can stop their problems.

Not only that, it has become the talk for us, in the car, while waiting for our ride, in the bedroom, while feeding my kid, even before we go to sleep at night, all we talk about is HOW to solve our friends' problems.

I just hope that this time, our meddling will make these two friends get back together, and not worsen matters.

Since, that's our sincere goal as meddlers, to make things better.

..and not the other way around [as we always do].

Kompas.Com

2008-08-11T17:27:00.000+07:00

Belanja Iklan Rokok Sepi di Semester I 2008

JAKARTA, SENIN-Gencarnya kampanye antirokok oleh berbagai kalangan turut mempengaruhi menurunnya porsi belanja iklan produk rokok. Iklan rokok di seluruh media turun 7 persen dari semester I tahun sebelumnya yang mencapai Rp 748 miliar menjadi hanya Rp 699 miliar pada semester I tahun 2008.

Kecenderungan penurunan iklan rokok ini, menurut Senior Manager Business Development Nielsen Media Research Indonesia (NMRI) Maika Randini, baru terjadi pada tahun 2008 ini. Pasalnya, berbagai media mulai memberlakukan pembatasan terhadap iklan rokok. Seperti halnya batasan jam tayang iklan rokok di televisi harus diatas pukul 21.00. "Sekarang produk rokok larinya ke sponsorship karena iklan di media dibatasi geraknya," kata Maika, di Jakarta, Senin (11/8).

NMRI memaparkan belanja iklan produk rokok filter Gudang Garam Int`l mengalami penurunan 70 persen menjadi Rp 19 miliar pada semester pertama dari tahun sebelumnya yang mencapai Rp 66miliar. Dikatakan televisi yang biasanya menjadi pilihan bagi iklan rokok juga mengalami penurunan 9 persen dari tahun lalu yang mencapai Rp 674 miliar menjadi Rp 615 miliar pada tahun 2008. Sementara belanja iklan rokok di koran, majalah dan tabloid tidak masuk dalam daftar 10 besar belanja iklan hasil riset NMRI.(C10 -08)

Perang Tarif, Belanja Iklan Telekomunikasi Naik

JAKARTA, SENIN - Perang tarif antaroperator telekomuniasi mempengaruhi kenaikan belanja iklan di berbagai media sepanjang semester pertama 2008. Exelkomindo (XL) menghabiskan belanja iklan Rp 139 miliar atau meningkat 209 persen dibanding semestaer pertama tahun sebelumnya. Hal itu diungkapkan oleh senior manager bisnis development Nielsen Media Rrasearch Indonesia (NMRI), Maika Randini di Jakarta Senin (11/8).

"Operator telekomunikasi sedang hobi beriklan karena mereka gencar perang tarif" kata Maika. Berdasar data hasil penelitian NMRI, belanja iklan beberapa provider operator telekomunikasi mengalami kenaikan dibanding semester I tahun 2007. Selain XL, belanja iklan Esia juga naik 57 persen menjadi Rp 131 miliar dibanding tahun lalu yang hanya Rp 44 miliar.

Sementara kitu, Indosat IM3 naik 209 persen menjadi Rp 119 miliar, pada semester yang sama tahun lalu tercatat Rp 38 Miliar. Sedangkan Indosat Mentari naik 104 persen menjadi Rp 118,6 miliar dari tahun sebelumnya yang hanya Rp 58 miliar. Telkom Flexi juga naik 72 persen menjadi Rp 110 miliar, dari Rp 64 miliar dan Telkomsel SimPATI naik 7 persen menjadi Rp 101 miliar dari Rp 95 miliar.

Namun untuk provoder operator telekomunikasi Telkomasel secara keseluruhan, turun 21 persen menjadi Rp 85 miliar dari tahun sebelumnya yang mencapai Rp 108 miliar. Reasearch ini dilakukan oleh NMRI pada 93 koran, 149 majalah dan tabloid, serta 19 stasiun televisi dengan tidak menghitung iklan baris serta diskon promo dan sebagainya. (c10-08)

Calon Pemda Paling Doyan Beriklan

JAKARTA, SENIN - Belanja iklan calon pemerintah daerah meningkat tajam pada semester ini.

Nielsen Media Research Indonesia (NMRI) memaparkan, pada semester I tahun 2008 belanja iklan calon pemerintah daerah di media massa melejit menjadi Rp 125 miliar ketimbang periode yang sama tahun lalu. Total belanja iklan di media massa untuk kategori koran, majalah dan tabloid, serta televisi tersebut pada semester lalu cuma Rp 19,5 miliar.

"Jadi, pada sektor ini calon pemda menyumbang lima persen dari total belanja iklan," kata Senior Manager Bussiness Development NMRI, Maika Randini, kepada pers, Senin (11/8). Dikatakan, televisi menjadi incaran para calon pemda dengan porsi 62 persen atau setara dengan Rp 22 miliar. Sementara, kategori koran menempati posisi kedua yakni 34 persen. Di posisi ketiga, ada majalah dan tabloid yang memperoleh bagian 4 persen.

Riset yang didasarkan pada publish rate card (daftar harga iklan) yang tidak termasuk iklan baris dan tidak menghitung diskon dan promo ini meneliti 93 koran, 149 majalah dan tabloid serta 19 stasiun televisi.

Belanja Iklan Semester I/2008 Tertinggi dalam Tiga Tahun

2008-08-11T17:21:00.000+07:00

Dari Media Indonesia

JAKARTA--MI: Belanja iklan semester I tahun ini tercatat paling tinggi selama tiga tahun terakhir, sebesar Rp19,56 miliar atau tumbuh 24% dibanding periode sama tahun lalu.

Iklan terbesar berasal dari sektor telekomunikasi yang bersaing ketat dengan otomotif.

Yang menarik, kali ini belanja iklan pemerintah terkait penyelenggaraan pemilihan kepala daerah (pilkada) dan pemilihan presiden (pilpres) terlihat melonjak hingga 79%, sebesar Rp769 miliar. Padahal tahun lalu, belanja iklan pemerintah tercatat hanya sebesar Rp429 miliar.

Manajer Senior Pengembangan Bisnis lembaga riset Nielsen Media Research Maika Randini mengungkapkan hal tersebut, dalam keterangan persnya di Jakarta, Senin (11/8).

"Belanja iklan pada semester I/2008 memperlihatkan adanya perubahan pola belanja dalam tiga tahun terakhir. Pertumbuhan belanja iklan terbesar terjadi pada 2004 sebesar 50% ketimbang 2003," kata Maika.

Pada 2005, belanja iklan tumbuh 13% dan naik menjadi 15% pada 2006. Tahun selanjutnya, belanja iklan tumbuh 16% dari Rp13,6 miliar (2006) menjadi Rp15,8 miliar (2007).

Nielsen mencatat, belanja iklan di sektor telekomunikasi semester I/2008 mencapai Rp1,9 triliun atau tumbuh 57%, dibanding periode sama 2007 sebesar Rp1,2 triliun. Di posisi kedua, industri otomotif dilaporkan mengeluarkan dana sebesar Rp848 miliar atau naik 20% untuk belanja iklan mereka.

"Otomotif terlihat sedikit mengerem belanja iklan pada semester kemarin. Mungkin belanja iklan akan difokuskan pada semester II/2008," terangnya.

Di sektor telekomunikasi, belanja iklan tertinggi dikeluarkan oleh PT Excelcomindo Pratama Tbk (XL) dengan jumlah Rp139 miliar atau naik 219% dibanding periode sama tahun lalu yang hanya Rp44 miliar.

Di belakangnya, produk telekomunikasi andalan Bakrie Group yakni Esia tercatat mengeluarkan belanja iklan sebesar Rp131 miliar atau naik 57% dibanding tahun lalu yang hanya Rp83 miliar.

Belanja iklan terbesar ketiga ditempati oleh Indosat dan Telkom Flexi di urutan keempat."Telkomsel sendiri menurunkan anggaran belanja iklannya hinga 21% sebesar Rp85 miliar. Padahal tahun lalu Telkomsel membelanjakan Rp108 miliar untuk iklan di sejumlah media," urainya.

Secara keseluruhan, kata Maika, pengiklan masih memfavoritkan media televisi sebagai tempat mereka beriklan. Televisi tercatat mengumpulkan 62% pangsa pasar iklan, pada semester I/2008. Nilainya mencapai Rp12 triliun.

"Sementara media cetak hanya memperoleh pangsa pasar 34% dan majalah 4%," tandasnya.(Zhi/OL-2)

Kata Mama Elly..

2008-07-26T07:10:00.000+07:00

Pia baru aja balik dari rumah ibunya.. Mama Elly.

Dia cerita kalau mama Elly-nya itu bilang, Pia itu cantik kayak Mama Elly, dan bukan kayak Mama Kikie.

Ini bukan yang pertama. Ini yang kesekian kali.

Kenapa sih mesti ngomong kayak gitu???????????????????????????

Kenapa sih harus selalu mengatakan hal2 yang bua hati orang lain sedih? Daripada mengatakan hal2 yang tidak baik seperti itu, kenapa tidak berterima kasih karena walaupun awalnya gue yang menawarkan untuk merawat Pia, toh gue merawat anaknya dengan baik? Karena walau apapun toh gue tetap menyayangi Pia dan tidak pernah menganggap bahwa dia anak tiri gue?

Kenapa sih harus ada orang seperti itu dalam kehidupan gue?

Kenapa sih?

...

2008-07-26T06:57:00.000+07:00

Allah itu Maha Mengetahui..

Jadi, walaupun kata sebagian orang (yang justru dekat denganku dan tidak mengatakan hal2 yang menyakitkan hati) aku bukan ibu yang baik, aku percaya aku ibu yang baik. Dengan caraku, aku akan menjadi ibu yang baik.

Walaupun tidak sesuai dengan teori yang ada diberbagai buku2 pintar 'bagaimana cara mendidik anak', aku akan menjadikan anak2ku anak yang baik dan berguna. Amin.

Karena ketika Allah menitipkan anak2 ini kepadaku, insya Allah, Allah Mengetahui bahwa aku akan menjadi ibu yang baik dan akan mendidik anak2ku dengan sekuat tenagaku. Dengan CARAKU!

Bukan cara orang2 yang MERASA tahu cara yang baik.

TITIK.

[untitled]

2008-07-23T15:21:00.000+07:00

These past months, I often wish that I have the power to say that I want to leave this big house. The big house that my parents bought back when my sisters and I were young (and still think that nothing can set us apart).

I don't why I can't leave this house. Many times I have tried but I can't. Maybe because I am afraid that my mom would be alone once I am not here, since all my sisters have their own place to stay, but most likely because I probably just don't have the guts to do so. (I know that some would agree to the latter, and not the first, since by now they would find out that their big sister doesn't have any courage after all).

These past months, I also often wish that I live so far away from my family especially my sisters, though I can't because I depend on them on times when I can't even stand on my feet (not that this happens often, but the thought that some people are ready to lend their hands for you is nice). But living with families have annoying downside as well, especially when they try to meddle.

Meddle is one thing.

Let's mix meddle with judgement and add some sprinkles of tantrum. Wow. Tell you what happen, you'll see some screaming, some door slamming, some cryings, some frowning, and in the end, some GOOD OL' SILENCE!

I am the queen of meddling, especially in my sisters' life, but I thought I should stop it once they are all married, since they are now much much wiser in doing whatever they need to do.

They are.

The only thing is, they think that I can't be wise in the choices I made in my life.

'I don't treat my mom the way I should.'

'I don't pay the things I should pay in the house.'

'I yell at my daughter too much.'

'I don't spend too much time with my daughter.'

'I don't hold my son well.'

'I shouldn't treat the maid the wrong may.'

'I am too tough on my daughter.'

'I don't take my daughter out for fun often enough.'

'I read the Koran in the wrong way.'

'I shouldn't talk to my husband the way I do.'

'Your daughter is 'naughty' because of you.'

Sometimes, I wish that I can do things my way, without judgement. If it's not good, then be it not good for ME.

Sometimes, I just wish for respect.

and no sharp-tongue please.. trust me, it hurts like crazy.

Judgemental

2008-06-11T05:11:00.000+07:00

It is so easy to judge people. To just tell people to their faces that they have done the wrong things.

So easy.

That we don't realize that what we have said might have hurt those people.

Menjaga Perasaan

2008-06-10T20:07:00.000+07:00

In the name of 'menjaga perasaan' seseorang, terkadang kita malah lebih sering TIDAK menjaga perasaan orang yang seharusnya lebih berarti..

capek.

nothing compares

2008-05-24T13:24:00.000+07:00

remembering what i have done in all my career lifetime, where i have to organize an international event, didn't sleep to work on some proposals or edit articles, even built a school.. but tell you something.. the tiredness after doing all those works.. is actually nothing compares to taking care one of tiny baby..

i am worried when he doesn't drink enough, but then when he drinks a lot, i don't worry less.

when he sleeps endlessly, i am asking questions, is this normal? yet, when he awakes like today, i am worried again, why hasn't he rest?

..a worried mom..

Bete!

2008-04-28T09:46:00.000+07:00

I am not wiser!

I am not smarter!

I am just an ordinary person with feeling.

kangen bapakku...

2008-04-27T17:05:00.000+07:00

aku kangen bapakku.

kalo lagi kangen gini, banyak2 istigfar, karena kadang aku jadi banyak bilang "kalo ada bapak, pasti gak gini..." padahal kan Allah SWT yang Maha Melindungi dan Maha Kuasa.

tapi aku kangen bapakku.

Kaya Nanggung

2008-04-16T15:28:00.000+07:00

Kaya nanggung merefer kepada orang-orang yang sudah punya cukup uang buat bikin perusahaan atau usaha, namun berlagak seperti uangnya satu lautan dan seolah2 willing to do anything (or pay no matter how much) untuk memajukan perusahaan.. tapi nge-gaji karyawan pas2an, dan menekan cost abis2an.. intinya pengen dibilang kaya abis karena udah punya usaha... tapi PUELITnya minta ampun!!!

Lucky for me, I spent 3.5years working for this kaya nanggung person! As a professional, I know I shouldn't talk about bad about my ex employer, tapi man oh man, semakin kesini semakin realize bahwa dalam waktu 3.5tahun itu ternyata gue banyak ditipu dan dikerjain abis2an.

I decided to fully quit working for this person, last december, after she insulted me (again!). Well, you can say a lot of things when you're mad, but when you questioned my honesty??? that's just the deal breaker! I am not built that way lady!

Tiga tahun gue disana, kerja rodi abis2an, apa sih yang gak gue kerjain.. SEMUA. Gak ada exact job desc buat gue, pokoknya anything yang bisa gue kerjain harus gue kerjain! Karena menurut dia, dia udah bayar gue BUANYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKK banget. Lucunya setelah gue keluar yang nge-gantiin gue ampe 4 orang.. padahal gaji gue gak naik2 2 tahun..biarin deh biar rasa!

Duh, jadi ngomongin orang..

Tapi gedeg aja! abis kemaren ini maksud gue mau nyairin uang jamsostek gue selama gue disana.. gue udah perkirakan lah saldo gue berapa..eh ternyata, si Ibu ini hanya menyetorkan setengah dari gaji gue!!!!!! padahal gue dipotongnya berdasarkan gaji full gue! GILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA gak????

Duh, kalo mau dilist satu2 sih banyak banget ruginya kerja ama orang kaya nanggung. Udah karir lo bisa stuck karena yah lo udah paling mentok disitu.. trus diperlakukan kayak lo BABU aja. Harus available anytime! Ih sapa lo??

Saking gak betahnya disana, gue cabut for a much much smaller salary di Nielsen.. ugh! yang penting happy.. buktinya gue bisa bounce back kok..

Gak lagi2 deh gue kerja ama orang2 kaya nanggung ini.. Amit2!!!!

Hate That I Love You

2008-03-06T12:02:00.003+07:00

By Rihanna & Neyo

Lagu buat abangku.. karena aku cinta dengan dia..

Yeaah
heyy heyy

That's how much I love you (yeah)
That's how much I need you (yeah yeah yeah)

And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile?
And then I like you for a while
No...

But you won't let me
You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it
You know exactly what to do so that I can't stay mad at you for too long
That's wrong but I hate it

You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ohh)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (ooh)

And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh
Sad and it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact that I...
Love you beyond a reason why (whyyy)
And it just ain't right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah yeah)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss will make me weak
But no one in this world
Knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

yeahhhhh ohhhh ohhh
oh yeah

It's how much I love you
It's how nuch I need you
It's how much I love you (ohh)
It's how much I need you
And I hate that I love you
Sooooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you soo
And I hate that I love you soo sooo

Abang

2008-03-04T15:53:00.000+07:00

Abang itu..

The only man (if not a person) who understands me.

The most patience.

Loving.

Passionate.

For me, abang itu, the best.

I love you bang.

26 weeks...

2008-02-24T03:10:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, Saturday morning, I went to see the obgyn.

My baby is now 26 weeks, everything looks normal, the only thing is he should weigh 900 instead of the 800gr I'm carrying now.

I know, I am a little picky about food, nothing seems to be interesting to eat. I like to think that certain foods are delicious to eat, but then once I have them in front of me, the desire to eat flies away.. *sigh*

Abang just hates it when I do that, and always double-ask everytime I told him I want something.. :( And this, most of the time, made me lost the appetite. Oh well.

Now I have to eat more! Semangaaaaattt...

Fauzi Bowo and Flood.

2008-02-02T14:49:00.000+07:00

Last year, amidst the flooding in Jakarta, Fauzi Bowo was interviewed by RCTI about the flooding in Jakarta, and how come the government hasn't done anything about it.. Then, the next thing you know, we saw a tantrum coming from the mouth of the government!

The tantrum was because he felt the anchor cornered him!

Then early this year, we saw him again, campaigning to become the GOVERNOR of Jakarta. Boy! He promised us everything!

One of them was NO MORE FLOOD in Jakarta. People were sceptical, yet they vote for this guy! Stupid move! We've seen him together with his partner, Sutiyoso, for a long time doing absolutely NOTHING on flooding.

Well, this afternoon, I saw Fauzi Bowo AGAIN on TV making comments on the recent flooding in Jakarta, and you know what he said this time..

Still with the tantrum, he said that it's the SOCIETY's fault! because we throw our garbages every where. Not only the society, NATURE is also wrong for raining for too long! Damn Rain! (I just added the latter words..).

Yes Sir, damn us! damn rain! for ruining your euphoria after winning the campaign.

But Sir, if I may remind you, we PAY you (through the unreasonable taxes in my paycheck) to WORK and not to prepare yourself to become a president 10 years from now.

So Sir, with all due respect, GET YOUR ASS TO WORK, because I'm sick of this flood and especially the TRAFFIC!

Thank you Sir. Enjoy.

Can I trust a nanny for my daughter?

2008-02-02T14:31:00.000+07:00

Apparently NOT! But the problem is, aside from being so trusty, I have a very limited time for my daughter, so I GOTTA have one.

Here's my daily schedule, mon-fri, wake up at 5am, take a shower, leave home at 530am, work work work until 4pm, arrive home at 5pm, and exhausted at 630pm. While my dauhghter's schedule is wake up at 6am, breakfast, shower, and go to school at 7am, arrive home at 4pm.

With the schedule differences, it meant I can't bathe her, nor be there for here when she's home for school to clean her. Meaning: I need to have a sitter or a nanny to help my daughter getting ready for school, for studying, to accompany her playing and all other stuffs.

Nanny or sitter is not cheap you know. I don't want to use maids, because they can poisoned my daughter's mind with sinetrons, stupid Indonesian love songs like "Jadikan aku yang kedua (Let me be the second one?????)", or even to speak unpolitely. Though I practically grow with maids around me, still I thought my daughter deserves the best.

So I hire a nanny.

But do I get? The first one basically spanked my daughter or even pinched her, when she didn't do things as told. When I found out, and really saw how scared my daughter was when she was around her, I told her to quit immediately.

Aside from the spanking, the first girl was actually good. She achieved all things I set for my daughter. But the spanking? man!!!! That's just the deal breaker!

So that's when I met the second girl.

The second one is a gentle person. She speaks softly to my daughter, everyone can see the changes of my daughter's voice when she speaks with people, it's more polite.

But my daughter can't be treated TOO soft. She needs to be treated strict on certain things, since trust me, if you don't, this little 6-years-old will find her ways to get out of her obligations. Example, when we told her to study, she will start talking about some other stuffs to keep our mind on something else, and start talking to her instead of the studying. Or when she was told to take her wudhu, she will not go straight to the bathroom, instead she'll step in to my room, and just chat with me (taking advantage of me not knowing what she's been told).

It's not too long before I realize the lack of disciplines in my daughter. She'll disobey when she doesn't want to do something, her grades were down, even her 'ngaji' went backwards! Yes, I heard them laugh A LOT, which is good, but I caught them studying while she's lying down on the floor (hardly listening!!!), or eating while daydreaming (just like the second nanny!). Aaaaaaaaaaarrgghh..

Today especially, I found out that my daughter does not even remember a single surah from Juz Amma, because she was never rehearsed! I was like, what you were doing all this time LADY??????????????

Well, I guess, the best sitter for my daughter would probably be ME, her mom. So starting Monday, I am taking matters into my own hand, before it's too late!

Now, I just wish that I have the energy to do that.. :)

Belanja Iklan Naik 17% di 2007 (Koran Sindo)

2008-01-23T14:15:00.000+07:00

Satu lagi narsisnya.. heheheh.. ini dari Sindo walaupun nama perusahaannya salah... harus Nielsen Media Research mbaaaaaaaaaakkyuuu.. :(

Rabu, 23/01/2008

JAKARTA(SINDO) – Belanja iklan dari tiga jenis media selama 2007 mencapai Rp35 triliun, naik 17% dibandingkan pengeluaran 2006 sebesar Rp30 triliun.

Lembaga riset AGB Nielsen mencatat pengeluaran iklan terbesar Rp23 triliun (66%) untuk media elektronik televisi, diikuti koran sebesar 30% dan majalah-tabloid 4%. ”Belanja iklan di media televisi masih menjadi favorit,” ujar Business Development Manager AGB Nielsen Indonesia Maika Randini saat memaparkan hasil riset belanja iklan selama 2007 di Jakarta kemarin.

Dia menjelaskan tingkat penetrasi masyarakat pada suatu media menjadi pertimbangan utama pengiklan dalam memilih wadah untuk mempromosikan produknya. Maika mencontohkan, dari sembilan kota yang dijadikan sampel,yakni Jakarta,Bogor, Depok, Tangerang, Bekasi, Bandung, Surabaya, Semarang, dan Denpasar, tingkat penetrasi masyarakat terbesar terlihat pada televisi,92% dari seluruh penduduk berusia di atas sepuluh tahun di kota-kota tersebut. ”Karena itu pengiklan banyak memilih televisi,”imbuhnya. Sementara pada media cetak, yakni koran, majalah, dan tabloid,penetrasi masyarakat di sana hanya 20–30% karena rendahnya minat baca masyarakat Indonesia.

”Penetrasi radio masih lebih baik karena mencapai 48%,” kata Maika. Kendati demikian, jika dilihat dari tingkat pertumbuhan belanja iklan, pengeluaran di media koran tercatat paling tinggi dibandingkan televisi dan majalah.Menurut data AGB Nielsen, selama periode Januari– Desember 2006 belanja iklan di koran sekitar Rp8,1 triliun.Angka ini melonjak 31% menjadi Rp10,6 triliun pada periode yang sama 2007. Dari sisi pertumbuhan, televisi hanya bertambah 12% dari 2006 ke 2007 dan majalah sebesar 10%.Tahun lalu,belanja iklan di televisi mencapai sekitar Rp23 triliun, sementara majalah sebesar Rp1,4 triliun.

Dilihat dari jenis produk yang terbanyak diiklankan, AGB Nielsen mencatat sektor telekomunikasi menempati urutan pertama dengan nilai belanja iklan sebesar Rp2,7 triliun, naik 40% dibandingkan 2006. Maika melihat pemain-pemain besar di sektor tersebut masih mendominasi pengeluaran iklan secara nasional. Disinggung proyeksi belanja iklan di tahun ini,Maika memprediksi terjadi pertumbuhan sebesar 20% dengan pengeluaran terbesar tetap untuk media televisi. (meutia rahmi)

Narsis...

2008-01-23T14:09:00.000+07:00

Ceritanya kemaren hari Selasa di Nielsen Media Research ada press conference.. secara Ibu Ika Jatmikasari, Head-nya NMR sedang cuti melahirkan, gue sebagai next in line-nya akhirnya menggantikan beliau untuk berbicara dihadapan teman-teman pers.. :/

Tegang juga sih.. tapi untungnya bukan yang pertama kali jadi udah tauk kira2 bakal ditanyain apaan..

Karena itulah kalo sekarang agak2 narsis dengan narok berita2 yang dimuat yang juga berisi namakyu.. yah maklum dong boowww.. :D

Semoga tidak kelihatan bodohnya.. hehehhe :P

Kampanye Dongrak Iklan 2008 (Koran Tempo)

2008-01-23T14:02:00.000+07:00

Selasa, 22 Januari 2008 | 15:53 WIB

TEMPO Interaktif, Jakarta: Kampanye politik untuk Pemilihan Umum (Pemilu) 2009 bakal mendongkrak bisnis periklanan 2008. Meski belum signifikan Nielsen Media Research Indonesia memperkirakan iklan kampanye di media massa dimulai tahun ini.

Business Development Nielsen Maika Randini mengatakan, bisnis periklanan tahun ini tak jauh berbeda dengan lima tahun silam. Ketika itu kampanye partai menjelang Pemilu 2004 mendorong kenaikan belanja iklan pada 2003.

“Puncaknya akan sangat terasa pada akhir tahun ini hingga pertengahan 2009,” katanya dalam keterangan pers di kantornya kemarin. “Tren iklan politik akan berulang tahun ini dan tahun depan.”

Ageong Wijaya

Television, other media to profit from more ads (The Jakarta Post)

2008-01-23T13:59:00.000+07:00

January 23, 2008

Agustina Wayansari, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

While local television stations are set to operate longer hour and newspaper pages are likely to get thicker, the public is set for an immense storm of ads as corporate sector is gearing up to raise their commercial spending this year.

Wrapping up last year with growth of 17 percent, the country's ad spending is set to swell even further this year on the back of major sporting events and aggressive marketing campaigns by corporations, a report said.

Nielsen Media Research Indonesia business manager Maika Randini said Tuesday that ad spending this year would grow an estimated 20 percent from last year's Rp 35 trillion (US$3.72 billion).

"Tighter business competition among business players and additional spending allocated for several international events, such as the Olympic Games and the Euro Cup, will fuel this year's growth," she said.

"The telecommunication sector will top the list of big spenders this year, especially with more players entering the market. Tighter competition will force them to raise spending for their marketing campaigns," said Maika.

Nielsen made public on Tuesday its recent survey on ad spending last year, highlighting a trend of increased interest in newspapers.

The agency surveyed ad spending for 19 television stations, 82 newspapers and 127 magazines and tabloids.

Newspapers enjoyed the highest growth rate in receiving ads, with placement soaring by 31 percent to Rp 10.6 trillion last year, the agency said.

"Newspapers became a favorite among advertisers last year most likely because they provided more space to deliver detailed information for products and services to specific markets," said Maika.

She said the telecommunication sector contributed the most to newspaper earnings, followed by non-commercial ads from government and political organizations, such as those from the gubernatorial election in Jakarta.

"Government and political parties spent around Rp 753 billion last year, a 154 percent rise from 2006. The Jakarta gubernatorial race contributed around 10 percent," she said.

The general secretary of the Association of Indonesian Advertising Agencies, Irfan Ramli, said newspapers were also popular because companies were looking for alternative ways to communicate their products to customers.

"Besides, the cost is also cheaper than TV ads. And we can use local newspapers to target a local audience," he said.

Although TV advertisement experienced slower growth compared to newspapers, television still enjoyed the lion's share of spending, receiving some Rp 23 million or around 66 percent of the total market, the survey showed.

Irfan said TV stations had to come up with creative ways to keep the interest of advertisers. He believed that such creativity was more common in print media, such as the Klasika and Urbana ad columns aimed at accommodating small ads in Kompas newspaper.

Nielsen showed the telecommunication sector spent a total of Rp 2.77 trillion on promotions in TV and print media.

The country's largest cellular provider Telkomsel was the biggest spender in the category, accounting for some Rp 250 billion of the total.

Hair care producers, with Clear shampoo brand topping the list, spent Rp 1.52 trillion, slightly higher than cigarette companies at Rp 1.5 trillion.

The remaining top spenders included motorcycle makers, government and political organizations, skin care companies, banking and financial institutions and department stores.

Erik Meijer, deputy president director of Bakrie Telecom, suggested advertisers be more strategic in selecting the right media to convey their products to consumers.

"Choosing the right media is the key. We can't place ads in media with a small audience," said Erik.

He added that ad spending would jump further within the telecommunication industry due to stiffer competition following the entry of at least 11 new providers into the market.

Erik said Bakrie Telecom would likely significantly raise its ad spending this year, while declining to cite any figures.

The Nielsen report showed Bakrie Telecom spent Rp 136 billion last year to promote its Esia brand.

"Almost 100 percent of our promotion budget is allocated for grabbing a higher market share," said Erik, adding the company would place most of its ads on TV as it targeted low- to middle-class buyers who spent less time reading newspapers.

The company preferred to place ads in local media, such as those in Bali, Surabaya and Riau, he added.

In the consumer sector, Coca Cola Indonesia planned to raise its ad spending this year to increase market penetration. The company manages at least 11 beverage brands in Indonesia.

"We consider Indonesia one of the countries where we experience the lowest market penetration for our sparkling beverage," said the company's media relations manager, Arif Mujahidin, adding the company would still focus on TV for its ads.

Pemilu, Sumber Fulus Media (Kompas.com)

2008-01-23T13:57:00.000+07:00

Selasa, 22 Januari 2008 | 13:56 WIB

JAKARTA, SELASA - Gelaran pemilihan umum (pemilu) baik daerah maupun nasional bisa menjadi sumber perolehan belanja iklan bagi media. Tahun 2007, pemerintah, parpol sampai ke para calon pemimpin menggelontorkan duit hingga Rp1,3 triliun untuk belanja iklan.

Media massa boleh bersiap-siap mengambil ancang-ancang mulai tahun ini. Soalnya, bertolak dari hasil riset Nielsen Media Research Indonesia yang disampaikan kepada pers, Selasa (22/1), belanja iklan untuk pemilu mengalami pertumbuhan signifikan.

Data pada riset itu menunjukkan, pada 2006, belanja iklan pemilu berada di angka Rp751 miliar. Lalu, setahun sesudahnya atau pada 2007, duit "cuap-cuap kampanye" menjadi tambun hingga Rp1,3 triliun. "Kenaikannya mencapai 74 persen," kata Manager Business Development AC Nielsen Indonesia Maika Randini.

Jakarta, terang Maika, ternyata menyetor duit belanja iklan 10 persen. Itu artinya, pada pemilihan kepala daerah (pilkada) DKI Jakarta 2007, mereka yang berkepentingan merebut tampuk "DKI 1" itu mengumbar duit hingga Rp111 miliar.

Jadi, imbuh Maika, silakan media massa membuat hitung-hitungan untuk pemilu presiden tahun depan. Boleh jadi, angkanya lebih besar ketimbang pilkada bukan?

About Wanting

2008-01-18T12:51:00.000+07:00

I have been waiting for today, Friday, end of the week so that I can write in my blog or this place since I haven't been here a long time. Plus Abang just got a new IM2 modem where we can connect just about every where.. Pretty psyched up about that, so my mind has planned to do this for weeks.

Has been wanting..

But you know what, now at exactly 5:47pm after work, I sit in front of my computer and have no idea what I want to write. Darn!

Then, I remember what Carrie Bradshaw said in one of the episodes of Sex & The City, she said, there's this thing about wanting, once you have it, you longer want it!

Boy, don't that happen to me a lot. :D

So, people, be careful of what you wish for, you might not like it!

Now, I want to just lay down next to Abang (in his arms to be exact!), let's see if I still want it once I am there.. (Well, I always like this, but it will take me only 15 minutes tops to curl up in his arms.. Some ideas to do somethings just come up when I do this :D).

this-7-weeks..

2007-10-21T15:17:00.000+07:00

unlike 30% of women on earth, i don't have an easy pregnancy.

the constant nausea makes you feel like you're on a bad trip in a car with a terrible smell that makes you wanna puke all the time. you're just ready to get out of the car when another smell hits you, and make puke again.

food.. well, i always have problems with food, i only like those junk foods, i don't eat rice, seafood, fish, meat, vegetables, well, sometimes i also wonder where i got my heavy weight :(. but i am picky when it comes all those things i put inside my mouth. and this pregnancy doesn't make it better of course, just the tought of food makes me wanna throw up. from the simple burger, or my favorite home-made-fried-chicken, or simply toast, can't do it! while i know i have to eat for this little person growing inside me, but man, never thought that eating will be tough.

shoulder pains. again, i always have a sore shoulder, and i wonder why it becomes worse due to this pregnancy. and if i don't have it massage soon, i have those nauseating feeling, and here comes the puking!! :(

well, a lot if i want to list it down. it's just uncomfortable.. but then i remembered what my dad said once:

"you will always fight to get what you want in life, because good things never come easy!"

well, indeed Dad. this little person is surely gonna be one of the best thing happening to me, so of course, it won't come easy.. i just need to take a long breath before i continue fighting.. :)

finally.. positive!

2007-10-11T16:01:00.000+07:00

Let's begin with: I am the mother type.

I mothered every one. First it was my sisters (i practically raised these 4 kids since my parents trusted them on me), then it was (still is) my friends, even those who are older than me, and even those who resist on having me done this all the time, and of course, my husband and daughter. I mothered every one.

I might be a control freak, but I don't like the word 'freak', so it's mothering then. From telling people what they should do to avoid those problems and troubles, to actually doing it from them. Anyway, I think I made my point: I mothered every one.

Yet, when it comes to having a child of my own, hhm, I hesitated a bit. For whatever reasons I can find. Yes, I have Pia, and I love her, and the good thing about her is that I don't have to go through the grueling period of pregnancy.

I said I am gonna have another one probably when Pia reaches 10 years old, because then, she will be big enough to understand and especially, to have the willingness to share the my undivided attention to her (she is even jealous of her dad since she thought I paid more attention to her dad when he came back from the states). I am saying all these things, while she's screaming and nagging all the time because she really wants a younger sibling.

Then I said, I can't have another child since I want to focus on giving Pia the best. I can't have two kids, where will I get the money if I have another one. While saying this, I can see people's sarcastic stares, since I have enough money to spend on those unnecessary bags and shoes, or even the excessive dine-outs.

Or I said, I can't take care of two babies, :P since I considered Abang to be my first baby. He's now taking his degree in professional chef so I can't deal having a baby with him in school. While he could care less about sacrificing anything for me and his children.

Well, I said a lot of things. And while saying all those things, I didn't notice that even though my body is experiencing all those things that happened to your body when you have your period (swollen boobs, raging temper, crazy mood swings, back pains, etc), the period never came.

I didn't realize that I was already two weeks late (trust me, I am never late!).

So, I bought one of those home pregnancy tests, and voila, positive. Not sure, I re-checked it again the next day, still positive. Still didn't trust those tests (or probably just trying to deny the so-called-99%-accurate test), I visited obgyn and yes, it's there. That ring-looking-creature is there is my stomach. It's been there for 6 weeks now.

Did I try to deny it? Nope. I tried to seem unhappy about it because of all the things I said, but I can't. I am happy.

Maybe because I am happy. Maybe I really want this kid. Or maybe I am just that mothering type..

I like to be a mom.

wish me luck with this pregnancy, friends.

Sempurna

2007-09-25T03:20:00.000+07:00

Suatu pagi, dalam sebuah kantuk yang amat sangatnya, lagu ini diputar diradio.. dan Abangku bilang: "Lagu ini laguku.. buat kamu.."

Aiiihhh.. Aiiih..

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

*
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Reff:
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Back to *

I am in Love..

2007-09-22T15:32:00.000+07:00

This is for the millionth time.

I am in Love. Yes, L O V E. To the man I call Abang, or Papa, or Sayang. To my dearest husband.

Yes, we used to have this constant irritation towards each other's daily habit. Him of my constant nagging, and me of his constant yelling.

But that was when he was in the States.

But, even when we have that constant irritation among each other.. I can't help but falling for him. For what he believes. For what he wants for himself with me and Pia. And the funny thing is sometimes, it happened after we had one of our stupid arguments.

Now, he's back here. I was afraid to tell you the truth. But then, deep down in my heart I believe that things are gonna get better.

And I am right.

Things are better. There aren't any moments that I am not in love with him.

Yes, in love. Not just the feeling of love you have towards your husband. But like, I am feeling it for the first time.

He does things that made me feel this way about him. Without putting an effort.

My husband is a great guy. He's patient. He understands me more than anyone else. He gets me. He needs me. He wants me. He just gets me!

And I love him. More than I could've ever known. More than he thought.

Sometimes, I cry just thinking what if, God forbids, things happen and he's not in my life anymore. Too scary, I can't afford this.

I love my husband. I admire him. Proud of him.

Kangen

2007-09-12T03:03:00.000+07:00

Sejak dua minggu yang lalu, aku dan Abang sudah mulai beraktifitas bersama. Abang dengan kegiatan barunya sebagai ABG beruban di bilangan BEJ membuat kita tiap pagi bangun dan mulai beraktifitas sama-sama... dari jam 5 pagi man!!

Entah kenapa rasanya enak banget.. siap-siap bareng, naik mobil berdua doang (fyi friends, Camat officially nyetirin mama doang jadinya..), ngobrol di mobil mengenai macem-macem dari yang penting ampe yang cuma ngetawain gaya anehnya Abang yang sok hip hop itu.. pokoknya damai tentram sejahtera deh..

Walaupun terkadang suka sebel dan bete kalo tiba-tiba dia ngotot gak jelas di jalan, atau kalau dia salah ngomong, yang bikin manyun 5 centi, tapi tetep aja semuanya selesai di jalanan.. dan di rumah udah beres.

Dari awal nikah emang ngerasa udah nyaman banget dengan keadaan ini, dimana bisa jalan-jalan ampe malem tanpa harus berpisah at the end of the day trus pulang sendiri-sendiri, enak aja.. namanya juga udah halal kali yah.. tapi menurutku keadaan sekarang udah enak banget.. kita udah nemu cara ngadepin masing-masing jadi bawaannya gak capek kayak dulu lagi..

Marriage emang gak easy karena it requires kita untuk bisa saling nerima dan saling bisa mengerti kenapa dia bertingkah seperti itu, tidak seperti yang kita lihat waktu pacaran dulu, tapi ya itu dia waktu kita bisa nerima dan lebih ngerti pasti keadaan lebih indah karena kita jadinya gak berharap macem-macem lagi dari pasangan kita.

Mungkin karena keadaan aman begini buat jadi pengen bareng mulu.. kangen mulu.. kayak sekarang nih, jam segini dah di kantor didrop ama dia, trus jadi kepikiran dia lagi.. duh, pengen cepet-cepet pulang dan ketemuan ama kekasihku itu.. :)

Duuuuhh kangen banget ama Abangku.. gak sabar pengen cepet jam 5.. :)

Serba Salah..

2007-09-05T06:32:00.000+07:00

Akhir-akhir ini saya suka merasa serba salah.. atau memang sayanya yang sangat sensi kali yah dalam menginterpretasikan kata-kata yang diucapkan orang lain kepada saya.

Saya sih maunya menyenangkan semua orang, terlebih lagi orang yang tersayang di dunia yang paling berjasa bagi saya di dunia, tapi kok akhirnya malah menyebabkan orang tersebut sedih dan merana.. :(

Mungkin emang saya bukan anak yang baik, karena saya gak sabaran mendengarkan keluh kesah beliau, atau selalu berkomentar seadanya ketika beliau menceritakan seadanya, atau tidak bisa membantu beberapa kesulitan beliau seperti yang lainnya.

Tapi itu kan tidak berarti saya tidak menyayangi beliau, tidak berarti bahwa yang lain lebih berbakti, lebih mencintai, kan tidak berarti seperti itu, saya hanya menunjukkan hal tersebut melalui tindakan yang mampu saya lakukan.

Saya mungkin tidak bisa berlama-lama menemani beliau bercerita di kamar, tidak membantu beliau memasak atau membuat kue ketika pesanan lagi banyak-banyaknya, tapi itu kan tidak berarti saya tidak menyayangi seperti yang lainnya. Buktinya ketika yang lain 'pergi' karena tuntutan rumah tangga masing-masing, saya masih bersikeras untuk tinggal di rumah, walau saya tahu hal tersebut lumayan membuat abang gak nyaman (well, emang ada yang merasa nyaman kalo nebeng???)

Tapi karena saya mencintai beliau, saya tidak ingin meninggalkan beliau sendirian di rumah besar itu sendirian. Jadi walaupun saya tidak serajin yang lain menemani beliau bercerita kalau yang lain sedang 'nginep' di rumah besar itu, tapi saya harap kehadiran saya bisa membuat beliau merasa bahwa beliau tidak sendirian.

Saya mencintai beliau dengan cara saya sendiri, yang mungkin bagi yang lain terlihat saya terlalu cuek, terlalu egois dalam beberapa hal, terlalu tidak memperhatikan beliau.. tapi saya sayang beliau, saya memperhatikan beliau, mencoba membantu beliau dalam kesulitannya, dengan cara saya. Walaupun cara itu mungkin tidak seperti cara yang lainnya, saya cinta beliau.

Saya tidak akan pernah bisa meninggalkan beliau sendirian. Hati saya tidak akan bisa melakukan itu, kaki saya tidak bisa melangkah keluar dari rumah besar itu dengan pikiran bahwa beliau akan sendirian. Jika abang meminta saya untuk meninggalkan rumah itu, atau bahkan meminta saya berpikir untuk meninggalkan rumah itu, sudah cukup membuat saya menangis. Saya tidak bisa! Itu cara saya mencintai beliau.

Saya tidak bisa memberikan beliau hal-hal mewah atau membantu beliau diluar yang telah saya lakukan, bukan karena saya tidak mau, tapi saya tidak mampu seperti yang lainnya. Tapi bukan berarti saya tidak cinta beliau.

Dan saya serba salah, karena senantiasa apa yang saya lakukan, apa yang saya katakan, salah dimata yang lain. Mungkin di mata beliau sendiri. Tapi saya tidak bermaksud demikian, dan ketika saya dalam posisi serba salah seperti ini, saya ingin lari sejauh-jauhnya dari rumah besar itu, tapi melangkahkan kaki saya saja saya tidak bisa, karena membayangkan beliau di sana sendiri saja, sudah membuat saya sedih.

Jadi, saya harus bagaimana?

Bagaimana saya bisa lari dari 'penilaian' picik orang lain yang melihat definisi akan 'cinta' dan 'sayang' terhadap beliau dari pandangan mereka sendiri?

Bagaimana? Entah.. saya sedih, karena tadi malam saya buat beliau sedih lagi...

Maafin aku yah Ma...

Kita Bertanya, Al Qur'an Menjawab

2007-09-01T10:21:00.000+07:00

I stumbled upon this email when cleaning my inbox. Good to read, I thought I put it here so my friends can read them as well.

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Apakah manusia itu mengira bahwa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan: "Kami telah beriman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta." -Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. " - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA: KENAPA RASA FRUSTRASI?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA: BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh (di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sepadan) serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."

KITA BERTANYA: BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk." - Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA: APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka." - Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA: KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
QURAN MENJAWAB: "Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal." - Surah At-Taubah ayat 129

KITA BERKATA: AKU TAK TAHAN!!!
QURAN MENJAWAB: "... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir." - Surah Yusuf ayat 12

...semoga kita semua menjadi orang-orang yang bersabar.. Amiin.

true love

2007-07-27T08:32:00.000+07:00

what's with TRUE LOVE concept?

Don't you think it sucks?

You made yourselves believe that you got to love only ONCE in your GODDAMN life?

I just don't buy that crap!

It's hollywood stuff to make us go to movies!

Stupid concept!

You know, if you don't make it last with one person, it only means that it's not meant to be. Nothing else.

It's ok to be sad after a while. It's ok to feel the hangover. But please people, no need to say that you're not gonna be able to love like that again!

It's just stupid!

Give yourself time to breathe and release the pain, but get on with your life already, find that someone that will make that heart beats a little bit faster than usual again, find that person that make the butterflies on your stomach fly again, chase that smile that will your knees weak.

And when you do find that person, love him or her just as they should without hanging on to what you call TRUE LOVE.

True love meant you are there holding hands still as strong after all those suffering times (boy, don't we all know what suffering meant in marriage). If you think that suffering meant times you spent dating behind your parents' back or just going through some teenagers' conflicts, BLAH! that's not suffering at all.

Those who are married know that all those difficulties we went through during dating period are nothing compare to those constant difficulties we face on marriage period.

When you manage to overcome these marriage difficulties with a person, then that person is your TRUE LOVE.

Other than that, all is bullshit!

So I am speaking to you, who still think that you can't love the person you're with because that person is just not your true love and you can only love once, just think, what if you are in your partner's position?

And it's just plain mean to be with someone, pretending that all is ok, that you love that person quite alright, when you don't fully give your heart to them!

So, true love concept? Sucks!

...

2007-06-15T12:51:00.000+07:00

sometimes, i forget that people can be evil.

and can turn the words around as they'd like.

this gives me chill.

Cobaan

2007-06-09T19:18:00.000+07:00

Awalnya judul dari rambling ini adalah Musibah. Tapi entah kenapa as I began writing, kok kayaknya gak cocok yah. Kayaknya kalau musibah itu kesannya mengeluh dan lebih banyak tidak bersyukurnya daripada bersyukurnya.

Sedangkan kalau cobaan kan kesannya lebih bijaksana, lebih mengerti bahwa semua yang terjadi itu adalah yang terbaik dari Allah SWT, dan pasti mendatangkan hikmah bagi yang mendapatkan cobaan itu.

Dari awal bulan lalu, it seems that my family sedang menghadapi banyak dari cobaan itu. Allah SWT kayaknya ingin melihat apakah kita sebegitu kuatnya like we claimed to be. Atau justru Allah SWT merasa bahwa ibadah yang kita lakukan tidak cukup sehingga kita diingatkan selalu. Wallahualam..

Bulan lalu, Abah tersayang yang sudah bersama kita sejak kita lahir (this includes my mom) meninggalkan kita untuk selamanya setelah sebelumnya harus melalui those grueling days di ICU selama 9 hari. Kejadiannya sih tidak se-simple itu. Di suatu hari Minggu yang awalnya kita pikir akan menjadi hari yang indah, ternyata berubah menjadi hari yang melelahkan, menakutkan dan kemudian menyedihkan hati.

The day began with great pacaran day with abang, but then, I got a bad news. Ayah dari salah seorang sahabat meninggal dunia tiba-tiba. Kejadian ini membuat ingatan saya kembali ke bulan September tiga tahun lalu ketika Bapak juga dipanggil oleh yang Maha Kasih secara tiba-tiba. Dengan terburu-buru, kita pergi untuk melayat ke rumah sahabat tersebut, dan hanya pamit terburu-buru dengan Abah. Ternyata, pamit singkat itu merupakan percakapan terakhir saya dengan Abah. Karena malamnya, kita menemukan Abah dalam keadaan pingsan di teras belakang rumah karena serangan stroke tiba-tiba.

Hati yang sudah lelah sepanjang hari seakan membuat kami tidak kuat lagi untuk menghadapi cobaan ini. Abah yang merupakan pengganti Bapak selama ini, abah yang sudah merupakan orang tuaku sendiri, Abah yang selalu setia menemani kami, terkapar tanpa daya. The thought of losing him was just too much.

We agreed when the doctors said that he has to be in ICU. We were completely aware that there are no more to be done, we were told to pray that miracles will happen. Well, after 9 days, miracles happened. Allah SWT meringankan sakit Abah dengan memanggilnya.

Losing him just added up in my list of worst thing ever happened to me.

Cobaan berikutnya adalah mendengar hal-hal yang terjadi pada Abang di negeri nun jauh di sana. Well, he is okay, but Allah SWT punya cobaan sendiri bagi Abang (dan saya tentunya). Harus banyak mengerti dan banyak sabar sehingga hati tidak akan lelah menghadapi perjuangan ini.

Baru beberapa minggu berlalu, sekarang Leli, adik bungsu yang sedang hamil, harus dirawat di rumah sakit karena mual yang tidak ada habisnya dan membuat dia kehabisan tenaga, ditambah lagi dengan penyakit thypus yang memang sudah ada di badannya sejak dulu.

Saya cuma berharap bahwa kita semua bisa melalui semua cobaan ini dengan rasa ikhlas bahwa semua yang terjadi adalah yang terbaik dari Allah SWT. Bahwa semua yang terjadi akan membuat kita lebih kuat dalam menghadapi hidup ini. Amin.

Semoga kita bisa lebih bersabar deh. Amin [lagi].

Everything - Michael Buble

2007-05-09T08:38:00.000+07:00

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.

And you play your coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.
yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

Good News

2007-04-20T09:00:00.000+07:00

My bestfriend is waiting for good news.

Being the queen of meddle-in-everything-in-your-friend's-life, I am of course waiting with her. Excitedly as she is right now.

Hopefully, we will find out soon whether it's real or not. And jump together with either news. :D

rambler on happiness

2007-04-07T19:15:00.000+07:00

how hard it is to be happy with life?

The answer should be easy, not only as in easy to answer but also EASY to be happy. Yet for me, this miserable bitch, all answer will be in the form of a shrug. Or a sigh. Why? Because for me, it's not an easy question to answer, nor it's easy to be happy.

You know, again I said, it supposed to be easy. All you have to do when you're not happy is to laugh your problems off. Forget whatever misery life brings. Or simply to be grateful of what you have, instead of counting what you don't have.

If I think straight, there are a lot of things to be grateful of. Those who know me close will be able to tell you all those things that I should be grateful of.

I was raised in a strict, but very happy family. Loving parents. Great sisters. Financially? I never have any problems in getting what I want.

Growing up was also nice, have many great friends, long lasting friendship with several of those people.

In short, I have too many things to be grateful. And I have too many things to be happy for. Yet, I am not.

So, it's not trying to answer 'how hard it is to be happy?', it is actually 'how to be grateful and content?'

I don't know. Each and every day of my life, I will try to answer that.

In my good days, it will be easy to be grateful, I would simply smile, or even laugh, for all the great things I have. But what would happen on those bad ones?

Well, I am still trying to figure out the answer to that, but for now, putting your head down on Sajadah and really ask for His forgiveness for being so ungrateful to His Nikmat always brings some sort of peace in my heart and at least makes mea little bit grateful.

And of course, a little bit happier.

The Making of "My Blood Type:MU"

2007-03-31T09:32:00.000+07:00

So Abang would like to have a blog in friendster <huh! what a copy cat.. heheh..>.

Yesterday, he spent almost an hour doing that without telling me (yes, I was on the phone with him at that time).. He completely ignored me the whole time, and I was already getting irritated with the fact that he didn't say anything but 'Bentar Mah!' in the last half-an-hour..

At the end, he told me that he made a blog. I don't know why, but it cracked me up. I opened the page as soon as he told me the link.

Voila!! The title of the blog was like "Nafasku.. bla bla bla", point is it's too long. Because it's already late in his place, I told him that I will make it shorter and change it around so it will be good to look at.

This morning when we started our daily chats, he asked me the insides of friendster blogs. So I told him..

The blog is dedicated for MU..yup! Manchester United, the soccer club he is crazy about. The name itself reflects that. If you see the blog, it really represents Abang.

Abang banget gitu loh! Hahaha..

Catch a glimpse of it here.. Abang's Blog.

a while..

2007-03-19T10:56:00.000+07:00

it's been a while since i wrote anything on this blog..

i want to write something good!

let's start working.. :)

Crazy

2007-01-29T09:37:00.000+07:00

Crazy
Crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy
Crazy for feeling so blue

I knew
You'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday
You'd leave me for somebody new

Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wond'rin' What in the world did I do
Crazy
For thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for tryin'
Crazy for cryin'
And I'm crazy For lovin' you

capek mampus!

2006-10-26T11:27:00.000+07:00

gue capek.

andai kaki ini bisa berhenti melangkah
andai hati ini kuat menahan sedih
andai mata tidak lelah oleh airmata

andai..

Diana's Email

2006-10-25T20:37:00.000+07:00

I received this email from Diana, my American sister, and thought I share it with you guys!

In April , Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting."

Regarding bodychanges, she said there were many, occurring every day, like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried.

She is such a simple and honestwoman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou also said these:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/shehandles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangledChristmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitton both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, Iusually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Ramadhan

2006-09-28T07:07:00.002+07:00

Indah banget yah Ramadhan itu..

Merasa gak sih?

[tauk gak sih, i've been here for 15 minutes trying to describe how beautiful it is.. but to no avail]

the peace.
the serenity.
the surrender to the almighty.
the everything.

it's just beautiful.

you gotta experience it yourself to feel the beauty.

Alhamdulillahirrabbil alamiiin..

2006-09-25T20:39:00.000+07:00

ada apa dengan aku?

Tak Berdaya

2006-09-25T19:47:00.000+07:00

Aku selalu sadar bahwa aku ini tidak berdaya,
apalagi di hadapan-Nya.

Bahwa apa yang terjadi dalam hidup ini,
apa yang dirasakan oleh orang yang kita cintai,
hal-hal yang diinginkan oleh mereka yang kita kasihi,
semuanya tak ada yang dapat kita atur jalannya.

Hari ini kembali aku diingatkan akan ketidakberdayaanku,
akan lemahnya tubuhku ini,
betapa inginku sangat kecil dan hampir tidak berarti,
bahwa temanku hanyalah Allah SWT,
bahwa tempatku meminta adalah Allah SWT,
bahwa ketidakberdayaanku hanya dapat dijawab oleh Allah SWT,
bahwa Allah SWT-lah yang akan memegang kuat tanganku,
menuntunku,
menjawab pasrahku,

karena aku tidak berdaya,
dalam inginku.

Dalam ketidakberdayaan ini, aku menjadi sadar,
akan indahnya pasrahku kepada-Nya.

Allahku yang Maha Baik, aku tahu begitu banyak dosa yang telah aku perbuat, begitu banyak aku tidak melaksanakan apa yang Engkau perintahkan, begitu banyak inginku jika dibandingkan dengan patuhku..

Allah yang Maha Adil, Engkau maha mengetahui apa yang ada di hatiku, dan apa yang baik bagiku.

Allah yang Maha Kasih dan Sayang, kasihi aku dan sayangi aku, karena dalam ketidakberdayaan ini aku hanya bergantung pada kasih dan sayang-Mu, satu-satunya yang memiliki kasih dan sayang kepadaku, hamba-Mu yang lemah dan tidak berdaya.

Bantu aku ya Allah.

there's this office..

2006-09-22T19:00:00.000+07:00

there's this office, where all the employees could just be one of the members of Srimulat, you know, that group of very-silly-and-sometimes-rude-and-stupid-comedians.

there's this office, where all we did beside work, is bullying each other, eavesdropping at others' phone conversations (and making the eavesdropping obvious by suddenly giving unwanted comments or answers to some questions asked to the person on the other line), laughing, laughing and laughing.

there's this office, where, yes, we still talk about each other (and yes, it's behind their back), but during one of these conversations, we never meant what we said, or even said anything that could harm this person's reputation. when we do talk about each other, somehow, we will repeat it again in front of that person, while laughing our heart off. that person, of course, will frown, but it will only generate more laugh and will not stop the talk in any ways.

there's this office, where secrets seem like an unknown word, because you could never tell someone a secret, you know, eventually the whole office would know about it.

there's this office, where bad people seem like miles and miles away (seriously) because every one is sincere and expects nothing in return.

there's this office, where, instead of feeling like you're going to work, you feel like you're going home, where you know that there will be a hand to help or support you when you're about to fall.

there's this office, where AP will act silly because he's terribly hungry, IJ will come with soooo many food, or HHW will wear his helmet and DCA will run immediately because TSS really wants to kiss them, or NRH looking so sexy, but still look to the first change of jumping off the window because every one seems to get engaged so soon while she's been single for a long time (hahahaha :D), or AVA would just give you the jutek stare that will send you back to your table without even moving.

in this office, you would find AB who listens to every single curhat we have if he's not giving the room a new smell, or you will see SBU sleeping on the couch or reading the quran, or HKU just sits at his desk and not saying anything, or RMS saying something in his Batak tone, or you'd bully WAS (if he's not on leave), or you'd see JT laughing to a joke that was told an hour a go, or you hear SRS in her childlike behaviour in her very neat desk, or you'd just make HT dizzy with your thousands of requests and reimbursements.

there's this office, where everyone is family. where you will find the kind of peace you usually find at home, because you know that others would not hurt you, or talk bad about you. in this little space, you know that when people critize you, it only meant that they want to see you succeed and not the other way around.

there's this office, i know..
that people can really be trusted.
that the person sitting next to me is my friend.

in this office, i know that when i laugh, i mean it.

to AP, IJ, HT, TSS, NRH, AVA, DCA, HHW, AB, HKU, WAS, RMS, JT, SRS: Guys, only God knows how enjoyable it is to work with you!..

cemburu.

2006-09-15T20:40:00.000+07:00

aku begitu cemburu.

kepada orang-orang yang begitu dicintai, dan merasakan hangatnya cintai kekasih..

lalu aku bertanya:

kenapa bukan aku?

[sigh]

2006-09-15T12:47:00.000+07:00

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sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh.

capek sekali!

2006-09-15T11:24:00.000+07:00

Give Me A Break!!!!!

I have.

What kind of break do you want?

You are 22 hours a day without me, isn't that a break already?

2 hours is all i ask every day, and that has to be given by silencing and not saying anything, and when you do say something, it sounded like you are in prison or you're just not interested.

what kind of break do you want?

i won't say the 'D' word anymore, because it hurts me more than it hurts you.

what kind of break do you want?

do you want me out of this world? out of your life?

what kind of break do you want?

tell me.

for a friend who is tired.

yes, if dead is ever an option, it might be the best way, but Allah gives us life to be grateful and to fight. if he says, give me a break, you give him a break, he might appreciate you more in your absence!

*sigh.. he might!*

oh well ya Allah..

2006-08-28T10:43:00.000+07:00

Oh well ya Allah..

I remember this one time i ever asked Allah SWT with WHY. When He took my dad away. I asked a lot of why's those days.

Now, I am asking him again with lots of why's.

Ya Allah, I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask?
Ya Allah, I just want to be loved. Is it also too much to ask?

Happy is in the state of mind. Allah might want me to be strong and be happy with what I have. He wants me to feel content with His Nikmat.

Allah has given me a lot. Yet, He gave me pain as well to see whether I would still be able to stand strong inspite of everything.

He gave me what I have now.

Ya Allah, help me feel content with the promise of your Heaven.

CRAP!

2006-08-05T16:14:00.000+07:00

I went to a movie last night with Abe, to see this movie Lake House starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. What made me see this movie? Maybe it's because I love Sandra Bullock. And because Imel said that it's adapted from Korean movies.

And, you know what I think of the movie? A total crap! Really.

Why is it a crappy movie? From the most obvious reason, these two love birds fell in love in 2-year-time-difference-scheme! How did that happen? Somehow, they can interact with each other thru this mailbox in front of a lake house that Alex's dad built and Kate lived in.

Well, it's just weird. I didn't think it could happen in the real life, because if you change something in the past, everything else in the future will change as well. Yes, I know it's just a movie, but a movie has to make sense also. The details are just bad, and don't get me started there!

Another thing that makes it nonsense is the LOVE or romantic part of the movie! It's a total crap.

Thru writing to each other, Alex and Kate know that they love each other. That this is the person they are willing to spend the rest of their lives with. Yeah right! Try living with each other for a month, fighting over remote control, or just a simple argument. They might still be in love, but they have to work on it.

There's this other person in this movie, his name is Morgan. This guy is actually in love with Kate, though he had caught Kate making out with Alex (which by that time still just a 'random' guy for Kate). He chased her wherever Kate went. He took a job in Chicago from wherever he was before, so that he could be with Kate.

There's nothing wrong with Morgan. The only thing about him is that Kate doesn't love him. She doesn't have any feelings to what-so-ever to this poor guy.

Yes, the movie is about Kate and Alex, not about Kate and Morgan. There's nothing wrong about Kate being in love with Alex, it's her right! It's just when you are so sure that you don't love this guy, why the hell that Kate comes to him when Alex seems to unreal.

What I hate the most, at the end of the movie, when Kate knew that Alex has passed away, she ran off immediately to SAVE Alex, the love of her life, and leaving Morgan behind.

The movie ended with Kate and Alex kissing passionately and walking toward the lake house, what's left is.. Morgan is probably sitting in a bar, drinking his ass-off and crying over Kate and the house they're gonna build together!

I'll say 'Duh!'.

What if you are Morgan?

That's why I always say that people who love each other, should TRY to find ways to be together! If one day, one of these people wants to find other people then make sure, MAKE SURE, that you will never even THINK about going back together to the other person, especially when you are married! NEVER!

You just have to take responsibility of your decisions! Be happy with the one you're with now. I think it will be fair. Or, if you can't really be with them anymore, be fair to them. Tell them the truth. Tell them you can't be with them anymore because you're still in love with the love of your life, and you're letting them go. Just don't stay because it's the right thing to do but don't give your love to them! It's not FAIR! Because each and every one of us deserves to be loved the fullest!

Right?

So, yes, I hate this crappy movie! Because it shows Ego! It shows that when you love, you can do whatever, including hurting other people who love you.

Shitty. Shitty.

What a crap!

Ps: Be, it was still fun though riding the bike with you among those bad traffics! :)

jealousy!

2006-07-25T18:26:00.000+07:00

he was awake at 12am last night..

.....

ooohh.. jealousy.

(edited)

I wrote some pretty harsh thought last night. I didn't think I should publish it, but I want to remember the night I felt that way so I can't erase it.

oh well..

%&(&(%#$@#!#(*)

2006-07-24T19:23:00.000+07:00

Too many words..

Just one way to say it.

Abaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnng...

aku
kangen
kamu.....

bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttsss...

Did I Marry The Right Person?

2006-07-21T08:50:00.000+07:00

From Chicken Soup for The Soul.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle.
In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.

It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown.

People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, religion, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistakes about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

back!

2006-07-14T18:06:00.000+07:00

i'm back to being this selfish self again, which i totally don't mind, in fact i kinda miss her.

i'm glad that i care less about things that i highly thought about these few months. i don't know how, but suddenly, it just feels like it's not worth it anymore to worry much. to agonize over stupid stuffs like getting hurt.

i just got that person back. the person who guards herself well, that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. you know, the pride one.

i'm back to being her.

i refused to be the person that i have been for the past months.
i refused to beg.
i refused to feel like i'm gonna get hurt one of these days.
i refused to care much.

i just thought that, whatever happens, happens. whatever will be, will be. because at the end of the day, even if i'm alone, i still have Allah SWT to keep me strong.

i don't care anymore.

and surprisingly, the feelings make situation better these days.

pa, do you notice the difference?

Mama

2006-07-09T10:12:00.000+07:00

The driving force in my life. The strongest person on earth. My mom. Yet, I never wrote anything on her, so I thought, I wrote a little something for her tonight.

I have a quite strange relationship with my mom. Or is it normal? I don't know. But, we can't seem to stand each other during those happy and normal times, when it comes to difficult times, we both will run to each other for support.

Sometimes, it's just so hard to talk to her, but when needed, she could be the one person that could make me feel better, even, about my worst situation.

I remember those times when I was in junior high and she would cry in front of me over things that I didn't even understand back then. I didn't know what I did, I just listened to her and comforted her, and I guess it's working because every time she's in one of those conditions, she would call on me and cry.

I also remember days when it seemed I didn't have the energy to live or even worst, I felt like killing myself, she would be there to hold my hands and made sure that everything would be alright because as if she would take away my problems and deal with it for me.

One time in college, I was feeling so insecure about myself because my friends were just bunch of creeps (hahaha.. sorry guys! but you were terrible those days.. even though, I turned into one of you now.. :D) who like to call on names. I was so frustrated and depressed those days that, believe it or not, I almost put myself in the middle of bypass road so that something would hit me and just kill me. During those times, never did I ever imagine that I would talk about it to my mom, but then I had to drive to the airport to pick up my dad (then, still alive and just on the move :( ), so we chatted and we got to the part where I started telling my whole depressed stories.

She listened. And held my hands. I didn't remember much what she did, but she made me feel better and got me off those bad thoughts about killing myself.

Or at one time, when I lost then-the-love-of-my-life because he chose to marry someone else. I remembered carrying the invitation to her (because it was addressed to her) and feeling so blue. I didn't say much since she knew the whole story, and she didn't say much since she knew anything wouldn't work that time. So, she just held me and let me cry.

That week, she came with me to the wedding, and the whole trip to the wedding reception from Bekasi to Gading, I remember how she talked and talked and talked and talked so I wouldn't just stare at the window and cried my heart-out. And after the thing, when I arrived home, she just treated me like a princess, understood my broken heart, made sure that one of my sisters was with me to keep me laughing (boy, I came from a family that are just comedians..), and at the end of the day, held me and said, you'd find someone better than him.

I believed her. And it made me feel better. Alive and excited in the search of prince charming again.

Or like today. I was just out of life. I didn’t have the energy for anything, even if I did, I didn’t feel like living at all. All I wanted to do was curl on my bed and cry. I wanted to cry to her because I knew she would be the only person who would make me feel better, but I wasn’t sure what to tell her.

(I guess I just forgot that I didn’t have to tell her anything because she doesn’t need to know what it is that makes me sad, she only needs to know that I am not happy.)

What she did, she convinced me to buy her dinner so that I would get off from my bed, that’s when the flood came out. She’d then hold me. Hugged me. And told me that I will always have her. I cried. We went out. Dined. Talked. Shopped (she did!). Laughed. Laughed. Laughed. Held me the whole time we were in the car. Laughed again. She rambled. Rambled. Rambled from one end to another.

And voila! It seemed that half of my burden is gone already. At least, I didn’t feel like crying anymore.

That’s when I realized again, that my mom is my rock (she is actually every one’s rock).

She’s the one that will always have those wide shoulders where I can cry.
She’s the one whose hands are so warm and comforting.
She’s the one who has the strength guard us.
She’s the one that Allah SWT sent us (not only me in my family) to be our angel.

She is an angel. My angel.

Ma, words wouldn’t be enough to describe how much you meant to me. I love you.

I wish I could be at least half the kind of mother you are to my children.

love hurts?

2006-07-01T19:52:00.000+07:00

lately, i seemed to listen to all those sad love stories from my friends.

the problems? well, classic.

i love him but he doesn't seem to love me. i love him but his minds are else where. i love him but we're too different. i love him but i couldn't get over the fact that he still contacts his ex regularly. i love her but i couldn't trust her, i think she's gonna break my heart. i love him but he betrayed me. i love her and she betrayed me GOOD! i love him but he never wants to understand me. i love him but he wants me to leave him alone. i love him but he said he can't be with him because i love him too much.

*sigh*

well, so many of them, not to mention my own.

those things left wondering this whole week.

if love is so beautiful, why does it hurt most of the time from the moment we say 'i love you'?

anyone?

-i am just speechless-

My Sexy Love (So Sexy)

2006-06-28T02:53:00.000+07:00

By Ne-Yo.

Kata abang, he remembers me when he hears this song. :P

[Verse 1]
She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up
Just one touch
And I errupt like a volcano and cover her with my love
Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh)
And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do)
Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do)
When we do our thing (when we do the things we do)
Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh)

[Chorus]
Sexy love girl the things you do
Keep me sprung keep running back to you
Who I love making love to you
Babygirl you know your my (sexy love...)

[Verse 2]
I'm so addicted to how she's the sweetest touch
Just in love
Still to much say that I simp and I'm sprung on I might be your boy
I can't you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh)
And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do)
Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do)
When we do our thing (when we do the things we do)
Oh, Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh)

[Chorus]
Sexy love girl the things you do
Keep me sprung keep running back to you
Who I love making love to you
Say babygirl you know your my (sexy love...)

[Verse 3]
Oh baby what we do it makes the sun come up
Keep on lovin' til it goes back down
And I don't know what I would do if I would lose your touch
That's why I'm keepin' you around... my sexy love

[Chorus X2]
Sexy love girl the things you do
Keep me sprung keep running back to you
Who I love making love to you
Say babygirl you know your my (sexy love...)

She makes the hairs on the back of my head stand up
Just one touch...

hhmmm

2006-06-26T17:48:00.000+07:00

i did something different today.

:)

pagi hari

2006-06-26T06:46:00.000+07:00

abang,

tahukah kamu..

kau begitu hebat di mataku.

tidak ada perjuangan yang tidak mengeluarkan airmata. saat ini lah airmata kita seakan tak pernah berhenti keluar, namun semua itu insya Allah akan berbuah pada tawa yang tak akan pernah berhenti di masa depan kita.

amin.

love,
mama

a love letter

2006-06-25T09:50:00.000+07:00

abang sayang,

it's 4:30pm on saturday. yes, it was one of those saturdays when i am just not in the mood to go out because again, it's just too painful to go out without you.

sitting here. on our bed. remembering you. hhmm, how often have i done that? too often in these past five months without you. i remember you not only in the afternoon but it's constantly from the moment i wake up until i close my eyes. sometimes, i even remember you in my sleeps. i guess i just miss you badly.

i love you. you know that? you ought to know that already, now that i marry you, aside from the fact that i constantly remind you about that.

i really do. ask me the reason, like you did in november last year when we were just newly-jadian couple, and i still don't know. you gave me this strange-insecure feeling that makes me not hate you, but love you even more. people said that women tend to fall in love with a bad guy, i guess you are my bad guy in a way. hahaha.. yes, admit it baby, you are a bad guy.

anyways, not anymore tho (right? right? hahah), because i really think that you are the nicest and kindest human being ever walk on earth. sometimes, you really said things that made me cry my hard (even threw up one day), but then i realized that it's just your way to make me strong, and not be my sensitive-whiny-self.

you are loving you know. the way you said i love you in times when i don't expect it to happen, always, always, always makes me crazy. i love it. and i love you even more.

there are days when it's just so hard to love you, but in a second, you would do things that makes me falls for you twice as hard the last time. hhmm, how do you do that?

and the way you made me laugh, oh God, the way we laugh from some unimportant things, to simply playing a joke on each other, or just to call each other names.. stupid, silly, call it all you want, but that's close to heaven when we are laughing.

or the way you touch me, kiss me, hold me, care for me, or simply whisper i love you, that, baby, is heaven for me.

you are my world. you realized that?

i know it is sometimes annoying to see me go crazy over stupid things, but be patient with me baby, i only do that because i love you too much. learn how to deal with that part of me (the unacceptable ones), as i learn yours. accept who i am with all these craziness, as i learn with your own craziness. bear with me when i scream, mad, cry, as i would stand beside you during those times. love me when the tough gets going, as i care for you when it happens.

abang sayangku,

i believe that at the end of this, i will be standing with you. holding hands. looking at each other. still revolving around each other. crazily depending on each other. and of course, mad, mad, madly in love.

i love you baby.

miss you.

Mama.

Masa Lalu

2006-06-22T19:02:00.000+07:00

Aku sering bertanya kepada seseorang yang aku cintai, mengapa begitu sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu?

Bukan karena aku sulit untuk melangkah, tetapi karena aku melihat begitu banyak teman yang sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu mereka. Aku pun terkadang merasa susah untuk pergi dari masa lalu, mengingat begitu menyenangkannya masa lalu. Aku terkadang mengingat saat dimana almarhum Bapak masih berada bersama kita, betapa indahnya saat dimana kita bercanda bersama Bapak di meja makan, atau saat beliau marah dengan kelakuan kita yang nyeleneh.

However, sampai hari ini, terkadang aku masih susah untuk melangkah dari masa lalu jika mengingat Bapak. Aku masih ingin berada di masa lalu.

Ada lagi masa lalu yang lain, masa lalu yang berbicara mengenai cinta. Aku melihat salah seorang teman dekatku (yang telah bercerai), masih mengingat mengenai seorang lelaki yang dia claim sebagai True Love-nya.

Apa sih true love?

True love, katanya, adalah cinta sejati. Cinta yang selalu dikenang. Cinta yang selalu membayang. Cinta yang susah dilupakan, bahkan tidak akan pernah terlupakan. Apapun itu, biasanya true love itu datang dari masa lalu.

Aku sebenarnya sangat tidak setuju dengan konsep true love dari masa lalu ini. Mengapa? Mengapa kita membatasi diri kita sendiri untuk mencintai orang yang tidak akan pernah bisa kita miliki? Mengapa tidak mengalokasi seluruh cinta yang kita miliki untuk seseorang yang ada dipelukan kita setiap malam? Mengapa tidak mencintai seseorang yang ada disamping kita? Mengapa?

Entah lah.. aku kehabisan ide. Aku tidak tahu harus menjawab apa.

Menurutku, dua orang yang saling mencintai haruslah bersama, harus mencoba untuk bersama, dan jika memang tidak bisa, harus dicoba bisa. Karena apa artinya mencoba mencari seseorang yang lain, jika ternyata tidak bisa mencintai orang lain itu dengan sepenuhnya.

Setiap orang memiliki hak untuk dicintai. Secara penuh. Tidak setengah-setengah. Jadi, jika memang ada orang yang masih memikirkan orang lain dalam hatinya, maka ia tidak BERHAK untuk mencoba bersama dengan orang lain yang tidak akan yang ia cintai sepenuh hatinya.

Aku tidak akan melakukan hal itu kepada orang yang aku cintai. Dan aku berdoa kepada-Nya bahwa aku tidak akan pernah berada dalam posisi itu dalam hidup yang sangat sementara ini. Karena jika iya, sesakit apapun, aku akan berkata,'find her! and be with her.' karena setelah aku bangkit dari sakit itu, aku masih punya harapan menemukan seseorang yang mencintaiku dengan tulus, sedangkan jika tidak, maka aku hanya akan tinggal dengan seseorang yang hanya memberikan setengah hatinya kepadaku.

And, I'm worth more than half a heart. I am worth One heart. The One I am giving him.

-to abang, who has given me his whole heart. Well baby, we're the lucky ones.

Betapa...

2006-06-11T14:16:00.000+07:00

...aku mencintainya,
...ia membuatku bahagia,
...kami bahagia,
...kami saling cinta,
...dunia kami hanya ada kami saja,
...kami saling rindu,
...ia begitu mengagumkan aku,
...kami adalah belahan jiwa yang begitu tepat untuk kami,

...kami mencinta hari ini dan untuk selamanya.. amin.

-abang, i love you. You said, you couldn't imagine your life without me.. I'd say, I don't know how my life was before I have you in my life.-

sad..

2006-04-27T14:19:00.000+07:00

i am not bad a mother...

Mencintai Karena-Nya

2006-04-11T11:48:00.000+07:00

Aku tidak pernah mengerti kata-kata itu sebelumnya.

Leli selalu mengucapkan kalimat itu untuk menyatakan perasaannya terhadap Irul, katanya, 'Aku Cinta Dia karena-Nya dan Untuk-Nya'.

Saat itu, dalam hati aku cuma bergumam. hmm.. bagaimana rasanya mencintai seseorang karena-Nya? I wonder, how you can do that.

-Mencintainya karena-Nya-

Bahkan ketika aku tak mengerti pun aku tahu bahwa jika aku bisa mencapai keadaan itu, dimana aku mencintai seseorang karena-Nya dan hanya untuk-Nya, pasti akan indah. Karena kita jadi tidak hopeless, jadi tidak berharap banyak bahwa orang yang kita cintai itu akan membalas cinta kita, dan jadi kecewa ketika kita tidak mendapatkan cinta tersebut dari orang yang bersangkutan. Karena cinta kita kepada orang tersebut hanya kita lakukan sebagai cara untuk mendapatkan cinta-Nya. Iya, cinta Allah SWT! Yang Maha Mengasihi dan Maha Menyayangi. Yang sudah pasti akan membalas cintai kita itu.

Wah betapa indahnya.. tapi sayangnya aku belum bisa seperti itu.

Memasuki bulan ke empat pernikahanku ini, aku belajar mengenai cinta yang jenis ini. Terus terang, pernikahanku tidaklah seindah yang aku bayangkan. Romantisme yang selalu aku bayangkan, ternyata tak selalu ada. Worst yet, aku selalu memaksakan agar romantisme itu ada. ADA!

Sayangnya, abangku memang bukan tipe yang mengumbar romantisme seperti yang aku selalu inginkan. Abangku memang kembali menjadi dirinya sendiri, yang merasa tidak perlu lagi meyakinkan diriku bahwa ia mencintaiku. Dengan menikahiku saja, itu merupakan perwujudan dan pengakuan rasa cintanya yang besar kepadaku, begitu ujarnya suatu hari ketika aku menanyakan kepadanya.

Oh well. Aku tidak dapat mengerti dan masih saja sedih.

Ada saat-saat dimana aku benar-benar goyah dan ingin mundur dari perjuangan ini (ini perjuangan loh!). Banyak why's yang mengisi hatiku? Perubahan kami masing2 ke wujud kami yang asli membuatku terhenyak dan membuatku, terkadang, menyesali.

Kemudian yang indah terjadi, aku mulai mengerti arti mencintai untuk-Nya.

Aku mengerti bahwa pernikahan bukanlah perkara satu atau dua hari saja. Ia perkara seumur hidup, dengan pengorbanan yang besar dan kadang-kadang membuat kita meneteskan airmata panjang, karenanya nilai ibadah pernikahan sangatlah tinggi di mata Allah.

Aku mengerti bahwa pernikahan bukanlah roman picisan dimana sang lelaki selalu menunjukkan rasa cintanya, menunjukkan rasa sayangnya, menunjukkan ketidakberdayaannya tanpa sang kekasih, menunjukkan kebutuhannya akan sang kekasih, menunjukkan rindunya, pokoknya menunjukkan romantisme-nya lah. Memang ada lelaki yang akan melakukan itu kepada wanitanya, tapi mungkin itu bukan lelaki-ku.

Aku mengerti bahwa pernikahan adalah sebuah jalan untuk dicintai Allah SWT. Sebuah jalan untuk mendapatkan ridha-Nya. Sebuah cara untuk dekat kepada-Nya.

Aku mengerti bahwa ketika aku mencintai lelakiku, aku harus-harus benar-benar mencintainya tanpa syarat untuk dicintai kembali olehnya, dll, tetapi yang indah dari cinta tanpa syaratku kepadanya adalah bahwa aku dapat berharap dengan penuh keyakinan bahwa Allah akan mencintaiku kembali. Bahwa Allah akan dekat denganku.

Mengharap untuk dicintai kembali tentu hal yang lumrah, namun bukan hal yang utama! Karena melalui cinta kita kepada sang kekasih, justru akan membawa kita kepada cinta yang paling tanpa syarat, cinta yang paling suci, yaitu cinta Allah kepada kita.

Sehingga abangku sayang, insya Allah, aku tak akan goyah ketika kau tidak mengatakan cintamu padaku atau bahkan tidak menunjukkan sayangmu padaku, karena tujuanku mencintaimu hanya untuk-Nya dan karena-Nya.

Semoga aku bisa meresapi itu hingga akhir hayatku nanti. Amin.

Ehhmm..

2006-03-27T19:20:00.000+07:00

Hari ini.. my dear jr gave me the best gift.. he read the Qur'an over the phone...

It's so beautiful.

Miss him so.. hopefully we'll be together soon :)

Teweek..

2006-03-11T10:22:00.000+07:00

Hihihihihihi.. Email yang bikin hariku sedikit easier to bare..

*kangen*

strange

2006-03-08T11:19:00.000+07:00

what a strange morning..

*hhhmm.. how strange?*

Sebenernya mungkin biasa aja, tapi hatiku a little bit strange.. udah lama tidak merasa seperti ini..

LAPANG..

Masih ada semua pikiran dan beban yang mengganggu.. tapi strangely enough gak stress.. Well, Allah SWT mengabulkan doaku lagi pagi ini...

Segala puji bagi-Mu ya Allah..

Kelapangan

2006-02-23T10:52:00.000+07:00

Al Insyirah
(Kelapangan)
Surah ke – 94

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِِ
Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, lagi Maha Penyayang

أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ
Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan dadamu (Muhammad)?

وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ
dan Kamipun telah menurunkan bebanmu darimu,

الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ
yang memberatkan punggungmu,

وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ
dan Kami tinggikan sebutan (nama)mu bagimu?

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan itu ada kemudahan,

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan.

فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ
Maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), tetaplah bekerja keras untuk urusan yang lain,

وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْ
dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap.

-------

Pagi ini di tengah gemuruh hati yang sedang tak karuan (entah karena memang lagi 'waktu'nya atau memang selalu bergemuruh akhr-akhir ini), aku tiba-tiba teringat surah Al-Insyirah ini.

Waktu Bapak baru berpulang, Ika sering sekali baca surah ini kalau hatinya lagi galau, dan merasa can't make it..

Hari ini entah kenapa aku juga berpikir seperti itu, I can't make it lagi nih. Sedih ingat rasa rindu yang tak kunjung terobati, Sedih karena seperti semua yang telah aku lakukan tak ada hasilnya, Sedih karena kayaknya yang aku rindukan pun bahkan tidak perduli, Sedih karena begitu banyak beban dalam hati, Sedih karena masa lalu, Sedih aja.

Di tengah sedihku itu, mungkin Allah SWT mengingatkan aku akan ayat-ayat ini, karena hati tiba-tiba tergerak untuk membacanya lebih dalam. Aku menangis.

Aku menangis karena Allah SWT memberikan aku secercah harapan lagi. Aku menangis karena Allah SWT menyuruh aku untuk pasrah dan ikhlas karena sesungguhnya di balik semua sedih ini, akan ada kemudahan.

Kemudahan dalam bentuk apa, entah lah, Wallahu alam. Tapi aku yakin, itu akan membuat hatiku lapang lagi dan bibirku tersenyum kembali.

Amin.

bapak besar

2006-02-20T12:55:00.000+07:00

duh, tiba-tiba kangen dengan bapak besar.

bapakku.

kangen dengan kehadirannya. kangen dengan masa-masa simpel ketika ia masih ada. kangen dengan ketawanya. kangen dengan senyumnya. kangen dengan kecerewetannya. kangen dengan judgement yang kadang2 salah. kangen dengan bapak.

kangen.
kangen.
kangen.

saturday morning

2006-02-18T07:46:00.000+07:00

*trus?*

*clueless*

but hopefull!

hhhmm.. what is today?

2006-02-06T11:29:00.000+07:00

it's monday.

no, i didn't forget it. i even counted it. waiting for it to come, because it would mean another week would come. so today week #2 begins for me and abang.

*sigh*

so pathetic, don't you think?

i don't care. try living so far away from your husband, then you know i'm not that pathetic..

anyways,

i'm praying hard, and trying hard.. so in two months we would be holding hand in hand, strolling down the streets of New York.. or LA.. or Miami.. wherever as long as I'm with him.. :)

hahhaha

anyways..

wednesday morning

2006-02-01T10:26:00.000+07:00

so.. what's up this wednesday?

my hubby still in america. darn! miss him terribly.. oh well.

i started going to the gym again this morning after a month break due to married and wanted to be with abang all the time.. heheh..

he left last saturday, finally. surprisingly enough, i didn't even feel like crying that day (so unlike the first one when i almost fainted because of it). the only time, i felt like crying was when they told us that his ticket was not yet confirmed so they had to put him in the waiting list. oh! i saw the dissappointment and sadness in his eyes, he's questioning why there are so many obstacles in his way to get his dream. i know he wanted this real bad, so i felt sad that day. i even wished that he wouldn't go home with me that day, because i knew he'd leave eventually. so, now or tomorrow wouldn't matter. i thought, the sooner i felt this pain, the better, so i can start curing, i can start getting used to him not being here with me, and so the clock will start ticking.. :)

so, it started. i'm happy for him. i really am.

he called me often enough, but any married couple would know that a voice on the other line is never enough!

his voice sounded tired, weary, sad, sick, everything but happy. he didn't even sound excited about it, that's when i know that no matter how happy i made myself sounded, i'm not. i need to be with him, because trust me, behind my happy voice, i miss him terribly, i want to be with him, just be there! like a family.

i don't want him to not like america, because it meant he would be unhappy, and that's the last thing i wanted, for him not to be happy!, but i don't want him to like it too much as well, cause it meant he would be there long, leaving me here by myself. duh.

if you guys read this, please pray for us. that Allah will bring us together at one place again. that Allah will bring us both success. that Allah will make us strong. Amin.

duh. i need him. i miss him.

ps: abang, wherever you are. love you. miss you. need you. wish you are here. wish you won't be gone too long. see you soon baby!

the one and only..

2006-01-26T14:23:00.000+07:00

lagi pengen curhat.
hihihih.. lama juga gak curhat di blog ke seluruh dunia kayak gini. lama gak nulis. lama gak ngobrol. lama gak menyentuh dunia 'single' gue.

emang gue akuin sejak bertemu dengan abang, dunia gue jadi agak berbeda dengan dunia gue yang lama. diri gue aja juga almost bukan diri gue yang dulu. entah kenapa. semua orang bilang gue gak sekuat gue dulu. gak setegar gue dulu. kata temen2 deket gue, gue tuh sekarang cenderung lemah dan rapuh. (i can sense their dissappointment in their tone).

entah yah.. apa memang gue menjadi selemah itu? gue akui hati gue memang menjadi lebih sensitif, lebih gampang tersentuh, lebih sering merasa terbebani, lebih mudah menjadi tidak bahagia, hanya gara-gara hal kecil saja. apa itu gara2 abang? apa dia telah membuat gue menjadi orang baru ini? yang gue sendiri kadang2 gak suka ama dia. kalau jawabannya iya, maka yang timbul dalam benak gue adalah, apa yang abang lakukan sehingga gue seperti ini? apa? apa? wah kalau mau gue sambung-sambungin, bisa jadi banyak.

tapi..

setelah gue pikir2, bukan abang kok penyebabnya. ya GUE sendiri yang menyebabkan gue begini. gue yang membebaskan hati gue untuk merasa seperti itu, regardless atas apa yang abang lakukan kepada gue. gue yang mendorong pikiran gue untuk berpikir mengenai hal-hal yang bisa bikin diri gue sendiri terpuruk dengan kesedihan gue, terlepas dari apa yang abang katakan atau lakukan terhadap gue.

hal yang membuat gue sering membuat gue merasa lemah adalah betapa gue sangat takut kehilangan orang ini. yah abang itu. gue takut gue disia2in oleh dia. gue takut dia akan berpaling ke seseorang yang lain. gue takut juga jadi sendiri lagi. kenapa? apakah dunia menjadi begitu indah begitu dia ada di sisi gue? indah iya, tetapi dunia single gue kayaknya gak seburuk itu sampe gue gak mau jadi single lagi. seharusnya gue tidak takut menjad single lagi. toh selama 28 tahun gue hidup sangat sangat bahagia (despite the fact, kadang2 gue pengen juga punya seseorang), tapi gue bahagia, gak pernah merasa down (kecuali satu kali ketika bapak pergi meninggalkan gue) apalagi merasa terpuruk, duh! jauh banget dari dunia gue.

gue merasa terancam dengan berbagai hal yang ada di sekeliling kami. bener2 dengan berbagai macem hal yang gak jelas. dan ketika gue berpikir seperti itu, gue terpuruk lagi. sendiri.

bodoh kan? karena akhirnya gue yang stres sendiri, padahal gak ada apa2 yang terjadi in reality.

entah lah. bisa jadi gue emang benar (hahahha, lagi2 gue dan kebodohan), tapi most likely, gue emang salah. tapi in the end, harusnya gue lebih pasrah dan ikhlas kepada keadaan dan kehendak Allah SWT. toh kalaupun mimpi buruk gue yang terjadi, memang apa sih yang berubah? tidak ada kan? paling abang saja yang hilang dari hidup gue ini dan gue kembali sendiri. what so bad about that?

gue toh pernah sendiri, bayangkan 28 tahun!, sendiri. waktu yang cukup lama untuk menjadi terbiasa. jadi kalau mimpi buruk gue yang terjadi, seharusnya gue bisa langsung berdiri kan?

setelah gue pikir2, gue bosen banget kayak gini, jadi gue mau pasrah ama keadaan aja, let Allah yang mengurus hidup gue dari atas sana. toh kita semua milik Allah, semua akan kembali ke sana. kalo emang abang adalah jodoh gue dunia dan akhirat, akhirnya gue pasti akan ama dia, kalo enggak, yah apa mau dikata, berarti dia memang bukan yang terbaik buat gue dan sebaliknya.

yah intinya adalah pasrah dan ikhlas, karena satu-satunya yang bisa kita percaya, satu2nya yang akan baik sama kita, adalah Allah SWT, jadi gue akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup gue dan segala permasalahan di dalamnya kepada Allah SWT. the one and only.

Amin.

2006-01-24T16:35:00.000+07:00

if you ask..

i miss being ME...

..duh..

2006-01-12T14:00:00.000+07:00

last night we said goodbye's. for the first time. since we met.

duh..

how am i gonna get through my days?
how am i gonna sleep?
walk?
talk?
work?
laugh?

when all i want to do is cry and be in his arms.

this is only a first day.

what would i be in two years?

the answer would be: HAPPY because i know i won't have to get up alone anymore..

oh abang, i miss you like crazy.

my new heaven

2006-01-04T14:16:00.000+07:00

i finally know how it felt to sleep in the arms of someone who is truly in love with you.
know how good it makes you feel.
know how safe your world is with that arms.

i finally know how it felt to wake up by the touch of a little hand.
know how amazing it is to hear the small voice.
know that you're gonna be loved forever.

i finally know how it felt to have a family of my own.
know how it felt to love a person so deep you can't even describe it.
know how it makes you stronger.
know that you could never walk alone again, because you know how good it is to walk with people by your side.

One

2005-12-18T16:00:00.000+07:00

today..

after 3 months..

we finally become one.

May we last forever.

Amin.

He Spoke of a Perfect Woman

2005-11-19T22:06:00.000+07:00

He spoke of a woman.
One of his dream.
The most perfect woman, he said.

She is smart, that he listens to her.
She is wise, that he admires her.
She is talkative, that he finds it comfortable with her.
She is nice, that he respects her.
She is funny, that he adores her.
She is pretty, that he likes it she doesn’t have to wear make up.
She is sexy, that he stated the fact three times in one minute.
She is sexy, that his voice gets excited when he mentioned it again for the forth time.
She is sexy, that his eyes light up when he mentioned it again for the fifth time.
She is sexy, that he admires how her figure doesn’t change after all the pregnancies.
She is sexy, that he used to want her (maybe he still does).

When he speaks of her, he speaks of someone from the past.
One, so admirable in all her deepest thoughts that leave him in awe.

When he speaks of her, he speaks of his dream.
One, so impressive in how she looks from head to toe.

When he speaks of her, he speaks of a perfect woman.
One, who is NOT me.

Dearest, I could never be that person, because the perfect-person-place in your heart has been filled by her. I’m sorry to have realized this, but I’m glad because now, I know where I stand in your life, and most importantly, in mine.

untitled

2005-11-18T09:13:00.000+07:00

sighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsighsigh
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...........................................

and it's only 9:17am.

akhirnya...

2005-11-16T14:17:00.000+07:00

finally..

glances.
smiles.

all out in the air.

:)

:))

2005-11-06T06:24:00.000+07:00

A New Chapter has just begun..

...look forward to having a wonderful journey.

Mengingat Bapak Menjelang Hari Suci

2005-11-02T12:49:00.000+07:00

Hari ini cuti lebaranku sudah dimulai (puih! akhirnya.. I really need this holiday). Pagi ini aku mulai dengan ikut sahur terakhir (tahun ini) sama mama dan adek2. Seru banget, ketawa-ketawa bareng.

Ramadhan kali ini, somehow, berbeda dengan tahun lalu. Tahun lalu dengan berpulangnya Bapak membuat Ramadhan menjadi lebih sedih, walaupun lebih khusyuk rasanya. Ramadhan tahun ini, terasa lebih ringan. Lebih gembira. Kita sekeluarga terasa sudah kembali 'normal' dan terbiasa dengan ketidakberadaan Bapak.

Terbiasa memang, namun terkadang, kerinduan yang dalam akan kehadiran si Bapak sangat menusuk hati. Mungkin 'terbiasa' bukan kata yang tepat untuk itu, kata yang tepat adalah mencoba melupakan bahwa Bapak sudah tidak ada. Mencoba berpikir bahwa mungkin saja Bapak saat ini sedang ada di mesjid, sedang i'tikaf seperti yang biasa dia lakukan saat Ramadhan.

Saya ingat satu kejadian di Ramadhan kali ini yang membuat rasa rindu saya ke Bapak semakin menusuk-nusuk. Hari Sabtu minggu lalu. Hari ini merupakan hari pertama Ngatni pulang kampung, dan isi rumah hanya 'kita' saja. Ika mulai dengan kegiatannya merapikan rumah, Citra dengan cucian bajunya, Leli dengan berisiknya, Abah dengan kebunnya, Mama dengan kue-kuenya. Satu saja yang hilang, suara Bapak yang sedang menggoda semua orang yang sedang bekerja. Tahun lalu ini tidak terlalu terasa karena kita semua sibuk dengan rasa sedih kita, tapi tahun ini, semua hal kecil itu kembali ke pikiranku.

Hari ini tidak terkecuali.

Besok sudah lebaran, aku jadi teringat hal-hal yang Bapak lakukan menjelang lebaran. Rumah akan penuh dengan suara takbir yang dia kumandangkan. Tawa yang keluar dari mulutnya karena sibuk menggoda kita (anak dan istrinya). Atau kesibukannya nge-cat rumah, merapikan berbagai kertas di penjuru rumah, atau suara beliau mengaji. Duh! Yang paling memilukan hati adalah mengingat betapa tampannya Bapak di hari lebaran, dengan jasnya, sarung, wewangian, dan kopiah. Ganteng banget!

Pagi hari lebaran, Bapak pasti sibuk berteriak-teriak agar kita bergegas. Satu hal yang selalu Bapak katakan kepadaku di hari lebaran adalah 'anak kita cantik sekali yah ma!'. I don't know why, tapi setiap kali melihatku dengan baju lebaranku Bapak pasti berkata seperti itu. Every time he did that, I knew I was loved dearly by my parents.

Hal lain yang akan selalu aku ingat adalah bagaimana mata Bapak selalu berkaca-kaca ketika kita semua memohon maaf kepadanya. Padahal kita lebih berdosa kepadanya. Padahal kita lebih sering berbuat salah kepadanya.

Hari ini, sehari sebelum lebaran, rumah sunyi sekali. Tidak ada suara Bapak mengaji. Tidak ada suara takbir dari mulut Bapak. Dan lagi, it struck me. Bapak sudah tidak ada lagi.

Tapi aku yakin lebaran kali ini, seperti halnya tahun lalu, Bapak berada di tempat yang lebih baik dan sedang berbahagia. Amin.

Duh Pak! Kangen banget.

Susie

2005-10-28T14:03:00.000+07:00

"Mbak, ibaratnya untuk mendapatkan elo itu harganya 1000, terus ada yang mau bayar 20, masa lo mau? Yang mau bayar 100 aja gak bakal dapet, apalagi yang cuma mau bayar 20?!"

I love you for loving me enough to say those things, Dek!

McBealism

2005-10-27T10:56:00.000+07:00

"Whenever I watch romantic movies,
witness couples kiss and make up,
sing love songs;
I smile and feel good cos love still works,
If not for me at least for others"
- ally mcbeal

Right on Ally!

aduh!

2005-10-21T19:53:00.000+07:00

aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!
aduh!

maksudnya apa sih?

curhat gak penting

2005-10-21T14:03:00.000+07:00

curhat ah.. [abis yang mau dicurhatin lagi gak tauk kemana.. heheh]

hari ini dimulai biasa-biasa aja dengan rasa ngantuk yang alhamdulillah sudah lebih mendingan dari kemaren [untung ada starbucks. untung juga ada yang beliin. thanks yah jon.]. agak sedih karena rian nelpon pagi2 dan curhat karena sedih. aduh yan! pls deh, you deserve better than that b!$%h deh.. okeh? be strong my friend.

nyampe kantor masih fine2 aja.. tiba2 berita buruk dateng, salah seorang anak buah gue [gak penting!] betrayed me. maksudnya apa sih? kurang baik apa sih kita selama ini? dan yang lebih bikin bete, she is supposed to be the person who knows better about keeping your promises! for the long jilbab she wore.. GOD! maksudnya apa sih?

jadi seharian bete gara2 itu.. males mau ngapain2.. kenapa orang2 yang seharusnya lebih bagus agamanya, lebih ngerti hukum2nya Allah malah justru yang dengan gampang melanggar hal seperti itu sih?! minggu ini emang gue diuji untuk bersabar terhadap hal-hal seperti itu..

sabar..

tapi siang2 it got better.. om bimo nelpon. duh! kangennya sama om yang satu itu, ngobrol ampir sejam-an, ketawa2 ngakak, maklum ombim kan bokep sekaleeeee!! heheheh. beliau cerita2 mengenai keadaan kantornya yang sekarang. semoga om bim kuat lah dalam menghadapi segala challenges yang dihadapi di posisinya ini.. amin.

trus nelpon ganis karena dia ngirim email 'komentar' yang gak penting yang lucu setengah mati. basically isi telponnya cuma ketawa-ketawa dong, hampir gak ada conversation, cuma fun banggets! ah ganis, elo tuh! jadi kangen ama masa2 kita sering cewawakan gak jelas. kapan bisa diulang yah? [ayo ambil doktor biar bisa ketemu orang2 error lagi.. heheheh.. kapan yah duitnya ngumpul.. :)].

anyways, hari ini cuma lack of ONE thing, oh well, don't count your blessing right?

i'm quite happy kok.

mau ketawa... hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha =)) [hush!]

Keistimewaan Seorang Wanita

2005-10-20T10:40:00.000+07:00

I came across this email today and thought it would be good to post it on my blog.

------

"Sekadar renungan buat insan yang bergelar wanita. Ketahuilah betapa istimewanya menjadi wanita. Betapa bertuahnya menjadi wanita. Bersyukurlah kerana menjadi wanita. Bacalah risalah ini dengan niat untuk diamalkan dan sampaikan kepada mereka yang lain. Insya Allah."

Doa wanita lebih maqbul daripada lelaki karena sifat penyayang yang lebih kuat daripada lelaki. Ketika ditanya kepada Rasulallah s.a.w. akan hal tersebut, jawab baginda: "Ibu lebih penyayang daripada bapa dan doa orang yang penyayang tidak akan sia-sia."

Wanita yang solehah (baik) itu lebih baik daripada 1,000 orang lelaki yang tidak soleh.

Seorang wanita solehah adalah lebih baik daripada 70 orang wali.

Seorang wanita solehah adalah lebih baik daripada 70 lelaki soleh.

Barang siapa yang menggembirakan anak perempuannya, darjatnya seumpama orang yang sentiasa menangis kerana takutkan Allah s.w.t. dan orang yang takutkan Allah s.w.t. akan diharamkan api neraka ke atas tubuhnya.

Barang siapa yang membawa hadiah (barang makanan dari pasar ke rumah) lalu diberikan kepada keluarganya, maka pahalanya seperti bersedakah. Hendaklah mendahulukan anak perempuan daripada anak lelaki. Maka barangsiapa yang menyukakan anak perempuan seolah-olah dia memerdekakan anak Nabi Ismail a.s.

Tidaklah seorang wanita yang haidh itu, kecuali haidhnya merupakan kifarat (tebusan) untuk dosa-dosanya yang telah lalu, dan apabila pada hari pertama haidhnya membaca "Alhamdulillahi'alaa Kulli Halin Wa Astaghfirullah - Segala puji bagi Allah dalam segala keadaan dan aku mohon ampun kepada Allah dari segala dosa."; maka Allah menetapkan dia bebas dari neraka dan dengan mudah melalui shiratul mustaqim yang aman dari seksa, bahkan AllahTa'ala mengangkatnya ke atas darjat, seperti darjatnya 40 orang mati syahid, apabila dia selalu berzikir kepada Allah selama haidhnya.

Wanita yang tinggal bersama anak-anaknya akan tinggal bersama aku (Rasulullah s.a.w.) di dalam syurga.

Barang siapa mempunyai tiga anak perempuan atau tiga saudara perempuan atau dua anak perempuan atau dua saudara perempuan, lalu dia bersikap ehsan dalam pergaulan dengan mereka dan mendidik mereka dengan penuh rasa taqwa serta bertanggung jawab, maka baginya adalah syurga.

Daripada Aisyah r.ha. "Barang siapa yang diuji dengan sesuatu daripada anak-anak perempuannya, lalu dia berbuat baik kepada mereka, maka mereka akan menjadi penghalang baginya daripada api neraka."

Syurga itu di bawah telapak kaki ibu.

Apabila memanggil akan engkau dua orang ibubapamu, maka jawablah panggilan ibumu dahulu.

Wanita yang taat berkhidmat kepada suaminya akan tertutup pintu-pintu neraka dan terbuka pintu-pintu syurga. Masuklah dari mana-mana pintu yang dia kehendaki dengan tidak dihisab.

Wanita yang taat akan suaminya, semua ikan-ikan di laut, burung di udara, malaikat di langit, matahari dan bulan, semuanya beristighfar baginya selama mana dia taat kepada suaminya dan meredhainya (serta menjaga sembahyang dan puasanya).

Aisyah r.ha. berkata "Aku bertanya kepada Rasulullah s.a.w.: 'Siapakah yang lebih besar haknya terhadap wanita?' Jawab baginda, 'Suaminya.' 'Siapa pula berhak terhadap lelaki?' Jawab Rasulullah s.a.w. 'Ibunya'."

Seorang wanita yang apabila mengerjakan solat lima waktu, berpuasa wajib sebulan (Ramadhan), memelihara kehormatannya serta taat kepada suaminya, maka pasti akan masuk syurga dari pintu mana saja yang dia kehendaki.

Tiap perempuan yang menolong suaminya dalam urusan agama, maka Allah s.w.t. memasukkan dia ke dalam syurga lebih dahulu daripada suaminya(10,000 tahun).

Apabila seseorang perempuan mengandung janin dalam rahimnya, maka beristighfarlah para malaikat untuknya. Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya setiap hari dengan 1,000 kebaikan dan menghapuskan darinya 1,000 kejahatan.

Dua rakaat solat dari wanita yang hamil adalah lebih baik daripada 80 rakaat solat wanita yang tidak hamil.

Wanita yang hamil akan dapat pahala berpuasa pada siang hari.

Wanita yang hamil akan dapat pahala beribadat pada malam hari.

Apabila seseorang perempuan mulai sakit hendak bersalin, maka Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya pahala orang yang berjihad pada jalan Allah s.w.t.

Wanita yang bersalin akan mendapat pahala 70 tahun solat dan puasa dan setiap kesakitan pada satu uratnya Allah mengurniakan satu pahala haji.

Apabila seseorang perempuan melahirkan anak, keluarlah dia daripada dosa-dosa seperti keadaan ibunya melahirkannya.

Sekiranya wanita meninggal dalam masa 40 hari selepas bersalin, dia akan dikira sebagai mati syahid.

Wanita yang memberi minum susu kepada anaknya daripada badannya (susu badan) akan dapat satu pahala daripada tiap-tiap titik susu yang diberikannya.

Jika wanita menyusui anaknya sampai cukup tempoh (2 1/2 tahun), maka malaikat-malaikat di langit akan khabarkan berita bahawa syurga wajib baginya.

Jika wanita memberi susu badannya kepada anaknya yang menangis, Allah akan memberi pahala satu tahun solat dan puasa.

Wanita yang habiskan malamnya dengan tidur yang tidak selesa kerana menjaga anaknya yang sakit akan mendapat pahala seperti membebaskan 20 orang hamba.

Wanita yang tidak cukup tidur pada malam hari kerana menjaga anak yang sakit akan diampunkan oleh Allah akan seluruh dosanya dan bila dia hiburkan hati anaknya Allah memberi 12 tahun pahala ibadat.

Apabila seorang wanita mencucikan pakaian suaminya, maka Allah mencatatkan baginya seribu kebaikan, dan mengampuni dua ribu kesalahannya, bahkan segala sesuatu yang disinari sang suria akan meminta keampunan baginya, dan Allah mengangkatkannya seribu darjat untuknya.

Seorang wanita yang solehah lebih baik daripada seribu orang lelaki yang tidak soleh, dan seorang wanita yang melayani suaminya selama seminggu, maka ditutupkan baginya tujuh pintu neraka dan dibukakan baginya lapan pintu syurga, yang dia dapat masuk dari pintu mana saja tanpa dihisab.

Mana-mana wanita yang menunggu suaminya hingga pulanglah ia, disapukan mukanya, dihamparkan duduknya atau menyediakan makan minumnya atau merenung ia pada suaminya atau memegang tangannya, memperelokkan hidangan padanya,memelihara anaknya atau memanfaatkan hartanya pada suaminya kerana mencari keredhaan Allah, maka disunatkan baginya akan tiap-tiap kalimah ucapannya,tiap-tiap langkahnya dan setiap renungannya pada suaminya sebagaimana memerdekakan seorang hamba. Pada hari Qiamat kelak, Allah kurniakan Nur hingga tercengang wanita mukmin semuanya atas kurniaan rahmat itu. Tiada seorang pun yang sampai ke mertabat itu melainkan Nabi-nabi.

Tidakkan putus ganjaran dari Allah kepada seorang isteri yang siang dan malamnya menggembirakan suaminya.

Wanita yang melihat suaminya dengan kasih sayang dan suaminya melihat isterinya dengan kasih sayang akan di pandang Allah dengan penuh rahmat.

Jika wanita melayani suami tanpa khianat akan mendapat pahala 12 tahun solat.

Wanita yang melayani dengan baik suami yang pulang ke rumah di dalam keadaan letih akan mendapat pahala jihad.

Jika wanita memijit suami tanpa disuruh akan mendapat pahala 7 tola emas dan jika wanita memijit suami bila disuruh akan mendapat pahala tola perak.

Dari Hazrat Muaz : Mana-mana wanita yang berdiri atas dua kakinya membakar roti untuk suaminya hingga muka dan tangannya kepanasan oleh api,maka diharamkan muka dan tangannya dari bakaran api neraka.

Thabit Al Banani berkata: Seorang wanita dari Bani Israel yang buta sebelah matanya sangat baik khidmatnya kepada suaminya. Apabila ia menghidangkan makanan dihadapan suaminya, dipegangnya pelita sehingga suaminya selesai makan. Pada suatu malam pelitanya kehabisan sumbu, maka diambilnya rambutnya dijadikan sumbu pelita. Pada keesokkannya matanya yang buta telah celik. Allah kurniakan keramat (kemuliaan pada perempuan itu kerana memuliakan dan menghormati suaminya).

Pada suatu ketika di Madinah, Rasulullah s.a.w. keluar mengiringi jenazah. Baginda dapati beberapa orang wanita dalam majlis itu. Baginda lalu bertanya,"Adakah kamu menyembahyangkan mayat?" Jawab mereka,"Tidak" Sabda Baginda, "Seeloknya kamu sekelian tidak perlu ziarah dan tidak ada pahala bagi kamu." Tetapi tinggallah di rumah dan berkhidmatlah kepada suami niscaya pahalanya sama dengan ibadat-ibadat orang lelaki.

Wanita yang memerah susu binatang dengan 'Bismillah' akan didoakan oleh binatang itu dengan doa keberkatan.

Wanita yang menguli tepung gandum dengan 'Bismillah', Allah akan berkatkan rezekinya.

Wanita yang menyapu lantai dengan berzikir akan mendapat pahala seperti meyapu lantai di Baitullah.

"Wahai Fatimah, untuk setiap wanita yang mengeluarkan peluh ketika membuat roti, Allah akan mebinakan 7 parit diantara dirinya dengan api neraka, jarak diantara parit itu ialah sejauh langit dan bumi."

"Wahai Fatimah, bagi setiap wanita yang memintal benang, Allah akan mencatatkan untuknya perbuatan baik sebanyak utus benang yang dibuat dan memadamkan seratus perbuatan jahat."

"Wahai Fatimah, untuk setiap wanita yang menganyam akan benang dibuatnya, Allah telah menentukan satu tempat khas untuknya di atas takhta di hari akhirat."

"Wahai Fatimah, bagi setiap wanita yang meminyakkan rambut anaknya, menyikatnya, mencuci pakaian mereka dan mencuci akan diri anaknya itu, Allah akan mencatatkan untuknya pekerjaan baik sebanyak helai rambut mereka dan memadamkan sebanyak itu pula pekerjaan jahat dan menjadikan dirinya kelihatan berseri di mata orang-orang yang memerhatikannya."

Sabda Nabi s.a.w.: "Ya Fatimah barang mana wanita meminyakkan rambut dan janggut suaminya, memotong misai dan mengerat kukunya, Allah akan memberi minum akan dia dari sungai sungai serta diringankan Allah baginya sakaratul maut dan akan didapatinya kuburnya menjadi sebuah taman daripada taman- taman syurga dan dicatatkan Allah baginya kelepasan dari api neraka dan selamatlah ia melintas Titian Shirat."

Subhanallah..

-Ika, Citra, Leli: May we all grow to be that kind of women. Amin-

cobaan

2005-10-19T14:16:00.000+07:00

ya Allah..

hari ini cobaan puasaku banyak sekali.

sabar...

Bila Aku Jatuh Cinta

2005-10-18T11:58:00.000+07:00

As-Syahid Syed Qutb

Ya Allah,
Jika aku jatuh cinta,
cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang
melabuhkan cintanya pada-Mu,
agar bertambah kekuatan ku untuk mencintai-Mu.

Ya Muhaimin,
Jika aku jatuh cinta,
jagalah cintaku padanya agar tidak
melebihi cintaku pada-Mu

Ya Allah,
Jika aku jatuh hati,
izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang
yang hatinya tertaut pada-Mu,
agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu.

Ya Rabbana,
Jika aku jatuh hati,
jagalah hatiku padanya agar tidak
berpaling dari hati-Mu.

Ya Rabbul Izzati,
Jika aku rindu,
rindukanlah aku pada seseorang yang
merindui syahid di jalan-Mu.

Ya Allah,
Jika aku rindu,
jagalah rinduku padanya agar tidak lalai aku
merindukan syurga-Mu.

Ya Allah,
Jika aku menikmati cinta kekasih-Mu,
janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya bermunajat
di sepertiga malam terakhirmu.

Ya Allah,
Jika aku jatuh hati pada kekasih-Mu,
jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh dalam perjalanan panjang
menyeru manusia kepada-Mu.

Ya Allah,
Jika Kau halalkan aku merindui kekasih-Mu,
jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki
dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu.

Ya Allah,
Engkau mengetahui bahawa hati-hati ini telah berhimpun dalam cinta pada-Mu,
telah berjumpa pada taat pada-Mu,
telah bersatu dalam dakwah pada-MU,
telah berpadu dalam membela syariat-Mu.
Kukuhkanlah Ya Allah ikatannya.
Kekalkanlah cintanya.
Tunjukilah jalan-jalannya.
Penuhilah hati-hati ini dengan Nur-Mu yang tiada pernah pudar.
Lapangkanlah dada-dada kami dengan limpahan keimanan kepada-Mu dan keindahan bertawakal di jalan-Mu.

- May I could love like this.

Whining

2005-10-17T10:17:00.000+07:00

Why is it so hard to love?

You'd think you have done all the right things to make the one you love comfortable, when in fact, you're driving him away with all the love.

I could be the queen of bad romantic relationships. Weird, because my friends come to me to solve their love problems, but when it comes to me, I am completely clueless.

Every break-ups, eventhough we eventually become good friends, are always hard. The reasons of my break-ups varies. From me being too independent to acting like I don't need men in my life that these men feel like I didn't need them. When that happened, I said, oh well, if that's what you feel and there's nothing I can do anymore, then let me go. They always did. Let me go.

So, I made a promise. The next time I'm in a relationship with a guy I would make him feel like he matters [not that the old ones didn't]. That he exists. That I constantly think about him. That I adore him. That I care for him. That I love him. Love him. Love him. Love him.

My constanly-working mind still thinks, but my heart will not.
My mind will see whether he's right, but my heart will not.
My mind will constantly ask whether I made the right decision, but my heart will not.
My heart will not.

Because I know what happened when my heart starts to wonder, it will doubt. And I don't want to doubt anymore.

But what love has done to me after I have done all those things?
It failed me, again. I was wrong, again.

Why is it hard to love? I thought, it was just as simple as dedicating your heart to someone.

It is natural when you love, you kinda hope to be loved in return. But what if someone were to say to you, they don't love you as much? What should you do? Should you stand by him and just love him until he loves you back? Or should you leave him?

Either way, you lose. The difference is when you stay, you'll have him physically. But is it enough?

Well, what do I know? I'm just an idiot when it comes to love.

It was February

2005-10-13T15:40:00.000+07:00

It was February.
You smiled at me.
You were laughing.
You were happy.
With Her.

It was February.
When my world came crashing down on me.
When I broke down.
When I cried.
For you.

It was February.
You let me go.
You let me go.
You let me go.
For I will never let you go, if you didn't.

It was February.
I learned how to be happy for the one you love.
I learned that love only means love.
I learned that I am infact happy to see you happy.

It was February.
It was March. April. May. June. July. August. September. October.
I stand up and say I'm alright.
I am.
I am.
I am.

But..

It was last night.
When I heard your voice on the phone.
When you laughed.
When you teased me.
When you told me a joke.
When you told me you're coming today.

I realize, I am not alright after all.

- Letting go is hard, man!

Cemburu

2005-10-12T15:58:00.000+07:00

Mau dong.

I'm so jealous.

Hiks. Hiks. Hiks.

where

2005-10-09T20:10:00.000+07:00

where do all those inspirations go?

i want to write but couldn't find a word..

Catatan Ramadhan 2

2005-10-06T10:19:00.000+07:00

Just like every year, Kak Hanni manages to celebrate Ramadhan by sending people daily stories about Ramadhan or Islam. It is always insightful. But today, for the first time, it brought tear to my eyes. I thought I share it with you.

Catatan 2 Ramadhan 1426H

"Tiap-tiap yang berjiwa akan merasakan mati.
Kami akan menguji kamu dengan keburukan dan kebaikan
sebagai cobaan (yang sebenar-benarnya).
Dan hanya kepada Kami-lah kamu dikembalikan"

[QS Al Anbiyaa' ayat 35]

*************************************************

"Bunda Bobo ya... Dinda tungguin di luar"

Entah kenapa, beberapa hari terakhir ini aku kerap teringat pada mbak Nita, kakak sahabatku yang sedang berjuang melawan penyakit kanker rongga hidung. Memasuki Ramadhan, kesibukan mempersiapkan anak sulungku untuk belajar puasa terasa begitu 'exciting' dan itu mengingatkanku pada mbak Nita, karena Dinda, putrinya pun kira-kira seusia dengan Amanda-ku. Bolak-balik aku terdiam, membayangkan bahwa semestinya kesibukan mbak Nita dan aku sama.. mengemas Ramadhan sebagai bingkisan indah dan menarik untuk anak-anak kami, agar ia bersemangat menjalaninya. Rasa pilu lalu datang menuntaskan bayangan itu, karena aku tahu, hari-hari mbak Nita terisi kesibukan menempuh pengobatan kemoterapi, radiasi dan segala ikhtiar yang mungkin ditempuh seorang manusia demi meniti harapan akan kesembuhan. Aku hanya 2-3 kali bertemu mbak Nita, tapi cukup untuk memahami bahwa ia sangat enerjik dan tangguh. Sahabatku pun bercerita bahwa mbak Nita melangkah tegar menjalani semua pengobatan yang harus ia lalui, menempuh jarak Bogor- RSCM setiap hari untuk kemoterapi tanpa tercetus keluh kesah dari bibirnya. "Dia mau sembuh.. dia ingin mendampingi Dinda tumbuh besar..." Subhanallah, tekad seorang Ibu mengalahkan segala rasa sakit.

Lalu sekitar waktu Dzuhur tadi, aku menerima email dari sahabatku bahwa mbak Nita sejak Senin lalu dirawat di ICU karena kondisinya menurun setelah 3 hari menjalani kemoterapi seri kedua. Masya Allah, ICU... bagaimana Dinda melihat Ibunya terbaring di ICU?? Hanya itu pertanyaan yang berkecamuk di dalam kepalaku. Kulanjutkan membaca email sahabatku yang mengisahkan adegan mengharukan di Rumah Sakit, semalam. Dinda diizinkan masuk ke dalam ruang ICU, ia menyentuh pipi mbak Nita yang tergolek lemah tak lagi sanggup bicara. Mata mbak Nita terbuka, walau dalam rasa sakit yang pasti amat sangat menusuk, terbaca semangat dan kebahagiaan menatap putrinya berdiri tegak di sisi tempat tidur. Dengan segala daya, dikedipkan sebelah matanya untuk Dinda.. menyisipkan sebersit canda yang sarat akan cinta. "Bunda bobo ya.. Dinda tungguin Bunda di luar" begitu mulut kecil itu berujar. Tidak ada air mata.. kaki kecil itu berjingkat keluar ruangan, membawa berita bahagia pada seluruh anggota keluarga yang menunggu di luar "Aku tadi berdo'a satu... Bunda bisa kedipin matanya untuk aku.. Kalau aku berdo'a seratus, Bunda sembuh kan ya???"

Tangisku menggugu, membayangkan harapan Dinda. Rasanya tidak adil, aku duduk di sini, di sisi putriku yang asyik bermain menunggu waktu buka puasa, sementara di sana sebayanya sedang menumpuk asa dalam kengiluan melihat tubuh Bundanya berbalut selang.

Pukul 15.11 masuklah sebuah sms singkat ke hp-ku "Han, Allah baru aja memanggil mbak Nita".. Sungguh pesan yang tak lazim. Aku cuma menatapi layar hp, mencoba membacanya lagi dan lagi, tak bisa mencerna. Wajah mbak Nita, wajah Dinda, wajah sahabatku berlalu lalang di kepalaku. Sepertinya baru kemarin aku mendengar cerita-cerita kelahiran Dinda, kompaknya Dinda dan mbak Nita. Dialog-dialog lucu seorang Bunda dan putrinya. Selesai sudah cerita indah itu.. Pada usianya yang ke-35, sampailah mbak Nita pada akhir perjalanannya mendampingi Dinda. Innalillaahi wa inna ilaihi roji'uun...

Duh ya Allah.. ampuni dosa isakan ini. ..aku tahu, kehidupan ini adalah milikMu,ada dalam kuasa dan kehendakMu..tapi aku tak sanggup membayangkanDinda merajut hari-hari ke depan tanpa Bunda..pergi ke sekolah.. mengerjakan PR.. bersiap untuk ulanganbercerita tentang teman-temannya..
menuangkan tangis... mengeluhkan rasa sakit

Ilahi Rabbi..aku hanya mampu memeluk erat putrikumensyukuri detik yang masih kumiliki bersamanyamenikmati tawanya..menghibur tangisnya..merawat sakitnya..

Selamat jalan, mbak Nita...
Terimakasih atas teladanmu
sedekah kasih sayang pada yatim, piatu & dhuafa
yang tak pernah putus sepanjang hayat
kiranya 'kan jadi kunci syurgamu
Melangkahlah dalam damai, menuju rumah abadimu..Allah pasti 'kan menjaga Dinda dalam genggamNyadan dari atas sana..kau dapat tersenyum melihatnya tumbuhmenjadi putri sholehah..berbatin cantik.. berhati tegar..persis seperti Bundanya...

aamiin

**************do'a & dukacita mendalam untuk bang Agus, Dinda, Ayah, Mak, Kak Yuli dan seluruh keluarga besar Amran....

5 Oktober 2005(hds)

Sigh.

Jadi kangen sama Bapak...

A Question

2005-10-04T18:15:00.000+07:00

How long do you need to know a person before you can completely trust him?

Beats me.

Sigh!

2005-10-03T11:21:00.000+07:00

Enough.

God, help me.

Complete

2005-09-30T15:49:00.000+07:00

Citra said something funny today that cracked me up.

She has been stressed-out from her work as a teacher and the fact that home has been empty since wednesday since Mom is away on business trip to Bali and Leli is with her, while Ika is still in Bandung.

So, home is basically me and her with Abah and Ngatni. Empty.

She came to my office this afternoon [she is known for her stupid remarks when she's dead tired] and just when she was about to pray she said,'Thank GOD, the house will be complete tonight!'

Then I thought, 'oh ya, mom, ika and leli will be back tonight.'

Before I even finished my thought she continued,'because Bapak is finally coming home.'

I looked at her and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Our bitterness has turned into a light laughter in this friday afternoon..

Hehhe.. Yeah, I wish Bapak is coming home today. That will be COMPLETE! [but, hey, what is complete anyways?].

Mommy and Daddy

Smiling Nurdin Clan...

Minding Kikie

getting my life back

Mengenang Bapakku (21 Juli 1950 - 20 September 2004)

Stres

meddler

Kompas.Com

Belanja Iklan Semester I/2008 Tertinggi dalam Tiga Tahun

Kata Mama Elly..

...

[untitled]

Judgemental

Menjaga Perasaan

nothing compares

Bete!

kangen bapakku...

Kaya Nanggung

Hate That I Love You

Abang

26 weeks...

Fauzi Bowo and Flood.

Can I trust a nanny for my daughter?

Belanja Iklan Naik 17% di 2007 (Koran Sindo)

Narsis...

Kampanye Dongrak Iklan 2008 (Koran Tempo)

Television, other media to profit from more ads (The Jakarta Post)

Pemilu, Sumber Fulus Media (Kompas.com)

About Wanting

this-7-weeks..

finally.. positive!

Sempurna

I am in Love..

Kangen

Serba Salah..

Kita Bertanya, Al Qur'an Menjawab

true love

...

Cobaan

Everything - Michael Buble

Good News

rambler on happiness

The Making of "My Blood Type:MU"

a while..

Crazy

capek mampus!

Diana's Email

Ramadhan

Tak Berdaya

there's this office..

cemburu.

[sigh]

oh well ya Allah..

CRAP!

jealousy!

%&*(&*(%#$@#!#(*)

Did I Marry The Right Person?

back!

Mama

love hurts?

My Sexy Love (So Sexy)

hhmmm

pagi hari

a love letter

Masa Lalu

Betapa...

sad..

Mencintai Karena-Nya

Ehhmm..

Teweek..

strange

Kelapangan

bapak besar

saturday morning

hhhmm.. what is today?

wednesday morning

the one and only..

..duh..

my new heaven

One

He Spoke of a Perfect Woman

untitled

%&(&(%#$@#!#(*)